


Benevolence

by ave_writes



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, M/M, Slow Build, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-20 02:54:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3634023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ave_writes/pseuds/ave_writes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And so here he was, standing in front of the door leading to his Math classroom, looking at the closed door with a dejected look and heart pounding as if he just ran a marathon, even though he made the walk to the classroom as slow as humanly possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to give writing ff a try. If I suck too badly I can always delete it, change my whole identity and move to Antarctica where I'll spend the rest of my days in shame.  
> Beta'd by my friend Ryuutsu. Thank you for putting up with me & always helping me :)

People. People were everywhere, giving him curious looks that felt like sharp daggers on Shinji’s skin. His shaking hands were anxiously gripping the handle of his brand new school bag that Misato bought for him as he made his way to the classroom, his gaze firmly sticking to the ground in hopes of avoiding any possible interaction with the people around him.

“You just need a fresh start,” Misato told him in the car on the way to his new school, while Shinji was wondering if it would be better to fake being ill and stay home, or go to school and make a quick escape once his guardian drove away. He already had about ten excuses prepared in his head if he did stick to plan B and Misato found out. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“It's going to be fine, Shinji. Just be yourself and stay out of trouble, “ Misato gave him an encouraging smile as he slowly stepped out of the car and gave her a pleading look he hoped clearly conveyed how much he didn’t want to do this. She cheerfully wished him good luck one more time, promised that a nice meal will be waiting for him when he arrived home — no doubt made by her boyfriend Kaji, as Misato couldn’t cook to save her life— and then left the nervous 15-year old in front of his new high school. With feet so heavy it felt like an invisible force was trying to pull him into the ground, he made his way to the entrance of the building.

And so here he was, standing in front of the door leading to his Math classroom, looking at the closed door with a dejected look and heart pounding as if he just ran a marathon, even though he made the walk to the classroom as slow as humanly possible.

“Move it, new kid, you’re blocking my way!” an annoyed voice yelled behind him, and a second later he was roughly pushed aside by a small hand that belonged to a redheaded female whose expression looked like she just ate a particularly sour lemon.

“I-I’m sorry!” Shinji quickly made three steps to the left and tried to blend with the poster-covered wall. The redhead just gave him one last glare and entered the room, slamming the door behind her so hard that one of the posters almost slid down.

This was a mistake, this whole thing was a terrible mistake. He shouldn’t be here, who was he even trying to fool? He simply wasn’t fit for the public education system and he never will be. His therapist could try to convince him otherwise all she wanted but Shinji knew the truth. He was pathetic.

Just as Shinji turned around to leave the building as quickly and discreetly as possible, he came face to face with a very pale boy, only a few centimetres taller than himself. He yelped and his behind would almost meet the ground, if it wasn’t for the other boy’s quick reflex. Elegant long fingers securely wrapped themselves around Shinji’s wrist and the silver haired boy pulled him back to his feet.

“I’m very sorry for startling you, I thought you were going inside,” the boy apologised and smiled kindly, letting go of Shinji’s hand just as it started to tremble from being in such a direct contact with a stranger.

“Ah, aren’t you the new transfer student? Did you need to go to the bathroom? I can show you the way,” the boy said after it became apparent that Shinji was much more interested in the floor’s pattern and had no intention of breaking the awkward silence.

“I-I’m, uh ... yes! Bathroom. I needed to use it,” the words came out more like a whisper than an actual decent response, and Shinji mentally slapped himself. He was only in this school for about 10 minutes and he already made one of his classmates mad and was acting weird in front of the other. This must be his record of being terrible at acting like a normal human being.

“Okay, come with me, it’s that way. We still have about 5 minutes until class, but the Math teacher’s really nice. She won’t mind if we’re a bit late. Plus, you’re new.” How someone could talk with such ease was a complete mystery to Shinji as he followed the taller boy in silence, gripping his school bag so tightly his fingers were starting to lose circulation. The boy just kept on talking, describing the school and offering Shinji his help if he needed it. He seemed like a popular kid, and Shinji shuddered at the mere thought.

“Well, here it is,” his probably-popular classmate pointed at the door that was covered in colourful, but badly drawn graffiti. “I’ll wait for you so you don’t get lost on your way back to class.”

Crap. How will he flee the building now? And what if this guy only appears nice? What if he locks him in the bathroom and leaves him there until he has no choice but to scream for help and face a teacher in shame? And then the teacher will call Misato and Misato will talk to his therapist and then he will once again be forced to attend that special summer camp. Shinji’s head was already spinning. _Think_ , he yelled at himself, _say something, get the hell out of here._

“Oh, it’s f-fine! I wouldn’t want you to miss class because of me,” Shinji stuttered without looking at the other boy.

“Ah, it’s no problem. I insist,” the silver haired boy gave him another smile that completely went past Shinji’s visual senses, as those still admired the floor. His hearing senses, however, worked perfectly, and cold dread filled him when he registered those words. There was no escape now.

Feeling as If he was just sentenced to death, he entered the cold, smelly bathroom. Instead of going to the urinal, he went directly into the stall, sat on the toilet and buried his head into his hands in misery. Hot tears began to form in the corners of his eyes, so he took a few deep breaths to calm himself down.

 _Maybe_ , Shinji thought, _if I wait here long enough he’ll get bored and stop waiting for me._ Any person would, right? Who would miss an entire class for a complete stranger? Shinji knew that he wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around, and surely wouldn’t wait for himself if he was in his classmate’s shoes.

He rubbed the tears out of his eyes, pulled his phone out of the bag and turned it on. _8:02AM._ They were already late. How long should he wait in here like the coward he was? More than 5 minutes for sure.

When the clock turned 8:15AM and Shinji couldn’t handle much more of the nasty public-bathroom smell, he went to the door with soft steps, trying to make as little sound as possible. He slowly opened the door for barely a centimetre and looked through the narrow gap cautiously.

Oh no.

His classmate was still waiting for him, sitting against the wall, directly facing the bathroom door with his head and reading a book. If he were to go out now, he’d surely see him. And what’s worse he’ll probably think… He’ll think Shinji had problems with digestion for taking so long. No one takes this long to take a piss. A shameful blush covered Shinji’s cheeks and tears started to burn his eyes again.

He let out a choked sob and immediately regretted it as the pale boy looked up. Shinji only now noticed what a strange shade of red his eyes were.

“Hey there… Are you alright?” the boy’s voice was filled with concern as he closed the book, stood up and took a few steps forward to get a closer look at Shinji.

Shinji stayed frozen on the spot, heart pounding like crazy. _Say something_ , the voice inside his head commanded, but no words came out.

“You didn’t really need to use the bathroom, did you?”

After hearing that, Shinji couldn’t hold it back any longer. He burst out into tears and snot, feeling deeply ashamed that another person, someone he didn’t even know, was witnessing this outburst. Now he definitely won’t ever be able to face this guy again.

He felt his hand slip off the handle as the door was opened wide from the other side.

“Would you like to go outside?” the voice was not insulting or unkind in any way, as Shinji expected it to be now that the other boy saw what a weird kid he was. Instead, it was soft and low, as if his classmate was approaching a frightened animal.

Through sobs he finally managed to respond with a weak _yes_ , and suddenly a comforting hand was around his shoulders, leading him in the direction of the school exit. Thankfully, there were no students in the halls as classes were not over yet, so Shinji didn’t need to worry about anyone else seeing him bawling like a child. He was so focused on getting out of this school he didn’t even have time to be bothered by the fact that the other boy’s long arm was wrapped around him in a protective manner.

Fresh air hit his tear soaked face. The sky was grey and cloudy, but the temperature wasn’t too chilly yet, with last traces of summer still evident in the air. His pale companion led him through the school ground, and a few minutes later they were crossing the street.

“W-where are we going?”

“Park. If that’s okay with you? You don’t really seem in the mood for school right now.”

“Okay.” Shinji definitely wasn’t going to protest that. Leaving school grounds was in his original plan anyway, even if this boy wasn’t.

By the time they reached the park, Shinji’s breathing calmed down a bit, and he discreetly tried to wipe the last remaining tears from his face with the back of his hand. Why he was shy about the evidence of his tears now, he had no idea. It wasn't like the other boy didn’t see him bawling his eyes out just a few minutes ago.

They set down on an old bench under an oak tree that was the farthest from other people, and Shinji only now realised that his classmate was gently rubbing small circles on his back in a comforting manner. What shocked him was that he didn’t really mind the contact. And yet he didn’t even allow Misato to embrace him. The rubbing stopped as his classmate reached for his bag and pulled out a packet of tissues. He handed them to Shinji, who quickly used them to make his face more presentable in public.

He looked up at those deep red eyes that were gazing back at him with a kindness he thought was not possible to ever be directed at him.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” he voiced his confusion, hoping it wasn’t too bold of him.

Instead of answering the pale boy responded with another question in that soft voice of his. “Are you not used to people being kind to you?”

There was silence for a few moments before Shinji replied in a very small voice. “No. Not very often.”

“Then you should surround yourself with kinder people. Everyone deserves to be treated nicely.”

Shinji let out a short humourless laugh.

“That’s easier said than done,” he replied, voice wavering.

“True. It’s not always easy, people can be very cruel sometimes,” the boy nodded in agreement. “But it’s not impossible to find true friends either.”

Shinji looked down at his hands that were still holding onto the tissues the pale classmate gave him. “I imagine you don’t have a very hard time making friends.”

“You would be surprised,” the boy chuckled. “There are many people in this school that dislike me.”

“That’s… very hard to believe.”

“I’m honored you think so highly of me, but it’s true. People are not very fond of me. That’s ok though! It doesn’t bother me all that much.”

And that is how Shinji came to a conclusion that he seriously misjudged this strange, kind boy. Suddenly, he felt incredibly guilty due to the fact that this boy was missing class because of him. Shinji put him through quite a morning that he never asked for.

“I’m so sorry!”

“For what?” the boy blinked at him.

“For… well… this! Everything. You were just being nice to me and I freaked out and… “ Shinji searched for the right words. He was always terrible at voicing his feelings in a manner that was clear to other people. Before he could continue with his clumsy apology his classmate stopped him.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. Changing schools is hard and you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Shinji closed his mouth, a feeling of gratitude filling his chest. He smiled up at the other boy for the first time in days, and to his pleasure the classmate returned it. A few peaceful moments passed before the boy spoke again.

“How rude of me, I didn’t even introduce myself yet. I’m Kaworu Nagisa, but you can call me Kaworu.”

He offered Shinji his pale hand, and Shinji carefully took it.

“Nice to meet you, Kaworu. I’m Shinji Ikari.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by my friend Akai_yami. :)  
> I just wanted to thank you guys for all the feedback on my first chapter. I was very nervous when I posted it, expecting no one to even read it, so I was pleasantly surprised when people liked it! I wanted to make this chapter longer but I'm currently drowning in school work.

He didn't end up returning back to school that afternoon, instead the rest of his day was spent in the park, talking and enjoying the company of his newly made friend.

_A friend_ \- the word felt unfamiliar, never used to describe the people in his life before, if Shinji didn’t count the few friends he made at the tender age of 5 during his brief stay in kindergarten, but those were long gone and forgotten.

Shinji closed his eyes and leaned back against the backseat of the bus, hint of a smile spreading across his face.

Well he _thinks_ he made a friend at least. There was still a probability Kaworu was just talking to him out of pity and would not acknowledge him the next day when the rest of their classmates will be nearby. Shinji had too many unpleasant experiences where that was the case.

Most of the people who usually tolerated his existence were people who liked to talk about themselves. Shinji was no more than someone who was willing to listen to their self-centred blabbering about what _their_ plan for the day was, what _their_ opinion on a topic Shinji couldn’t care less about was, bragging about _their_ achievements and so on. Never once was he the one to initiate a different topic nor was he asked to or even had the chance as the other person left him with no time to speak.

After all, no one was truly interested in Shinji as a person. When they had no more use for him he was tossed aside and forgotten. Of course, that only happened if he was lucky, in worst cases his supposed friends turned on him and helped the bullies come up with new ways to cause Shinji pain, selling him out for higher social ranks that people seemed to obsess over since the early age of 8.

Feeling the short-lived happiness of making a new friend leave him and being replaced by worry in his anxious mind, Shinji pulled out his Walkman, put in his headphones and pressed play.

Calm tunes of violin and piano filled his ears.

Kaworu liked classical music too.

 

* * *

 

The elevator was broken again. With an annoyed sigh Shinji made his way up the seemingly never-ending stairs. By the time he reached the third floor he was almost all out of breath. He should probably do something about his lack of stamina sometime soon, you never know when you’ll have to run away from people who want to beat you up just for “looking at them funny”.

“I’m back.” Even after 5 months, home still didn’t feel like the right word to use when entering Misato’s apartment. He pulled off his shoes and neatly positioned them in the tiny wardrobe. But not before he fixed Misato’s combat shoes that were thrown in without any care and were an insult to the order Shinji liked to keep.  His guardian was an exact opposite of him when it came to tidiness and Shinji often wondered what Kaji saw in such a slob. He also wondered if one of the reasons Misato became his legal guardian was because she knew he’d clean after her mess.

“Well, well. Look who decided to bless us with his presence!” Misato’s voice could be heard from the kitchen. Shinji didn’t like the tone of her voice. It meant that he was in trouble.

He entered the kitchen anyway.

Kaji was sitting at the table, head resting on his hand, reading a bunch of papers Shinji assumed were from work with a bored expression. Misato was standing in the middle of the room, hands crossed, and even though she was wearing a forced smile, Shinji could sense she was fuming.

She knew. She definitely knew Shinji didn’t go to school today and now he was going to pay dearly for his life of crime.

“So I called your homeroom teacher today.”

He was right.

 “She told me you never showed up. Asked me if you were not feeling well.”

Well he _wasn’t_ feeling well. But when was he ever feeling well? Shinji could count his good days in the past year on one hand.

Kaji stopped paying attention to his work and looked up, listening to the show that was about to unfold. Shinji wished he’d just go back to reading his papers.

“Explain yourself.” Misato commended, much like if she was talking to one of the solders. Sometimes her military career showed right through.

Shinji looked somewhere past her with a glassy look. He learned that in cases like this it was best to just imagine himself anywhere else. Sadly this technique rarely worked for him as all of his senses were hyper-aware of what was going on around him. And sometimes, they sensed danger even when it was all just in his mind.

“What is there to explain? I skipped school,” he replied with a flat voice. He had no intention of telling her the embarrassing reason for why that happened.

Misato didn’t look happy with his answer one bit.

“Shinji, you can’t run away from your problems forever!” she exclaimed, her hands finding their way to her hips as her pose got more intimidating. “I know it’s hard but –“

“You don’t understand! You’ll never understand. It’s not hard, it’s _impossible_ ,” he snapped at her, his hands turning into fists. They trembled but he didn’t care. He couldn’t deal with this stuff here too.

His outburst seemed to catch Misato off-guard, expecting Shinji to respond with his usual self-deprecating “sorry”.

“Do you think I enjoy feeling this way? Do you think I don’t hope every single day to just b-be normal?!” He hated how he stuttered even when he was standing up for himself.

“That’s not what I meant.” Misato brought a hand up to rub her forehead in frustration “I know you think it’s impossible, I understand why it’s so difficult for you. But what will you achieve if you do nothing about it? You need to get better and you know what your therapist said, facing your fears one step at the time will help you a great deal in making progress.”

Shinji didn’t believe her, even though a very small part of him - probably the guilt for disappointing the only adult figure in his life that gave a shit about him - knew she was right. But it didn’t matter because he will be forced to go to school one way or another.

“I’m sorry to say this but if you don’t go to class on your own tomorrow, I’ll have to personally escort you there until I see you sitting in that chair. I’m sure you don’t want that.”

There it was.

 Just as Shinji was about to protest Misato’s decision, Kaji got up and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, putting his head on her shoulder in a very dog-like manner.

“Hey there, don’t be so harsh on the kid. So he skipped a day at school. Do I need to remind you we skipped a whole week that one time,” he nuzzled his nose against his girlfriend’s neck “when we literally didn’t leave the bed.”

He turned his head and mouthed “we were doing adult things” to Shinji.

Misato’s face turned a deep shade of red. Shinji wasn’t sure if it was from anger or embarrassment. Or both.

“THAT WAS IN COLLEGE!”

Shinji quickly made his escape.

 

* * *

 

He entered the safety of his room and lent against the back of his door with a deep sigh. He felt worn out from all the stress his body experienced that day. Surprisingly, it still turned out better than he expected it to back when he was on the verge of a panic attack in the school’s bathroom. This day could’ve gone a lot worse, even if he didn’t actually manage to get into class like he was supposed to.

His stomach made a sad grumbling sound.

Right, he forgot to get some food, as Misato left him no time to grab something from the fridge with her lecture. He’ll just have to wait for her to cool off and try later. Right now his only real desire was the much needed alone time.

He put down the school bag near the study table with a soft thud and went to lie on the bed, with his phone in one hand. He pressed his back against the wall that his bed was positioned to and pulled the thin red cover over his lower half, tangling his cold feet in it in a kind of burrito-like mess.

The phone was a gift from Misato when he first moved in with her. He never owned it before as his father didn’t see the need to buy him one.

“Who would you call? You don’t have any friends.” He still remembered those cold words that Gendo Ikari replied with when Shinji finally managed to get the courage to ask him for it.

He never asked for anything else again after that incident.

His phone gained a new number in its humble contact menu. He only had 3 contacts in it until today: Misato, Kaji and the number of his therapist.

Shinji didn’t ever call these numbers unless he absolutely had to or it was them contacting him first. He preferred to text if he needed anything, which was a rare occurrence, as he avoided it to the very last minute.    

Right under Kaji’s name was Kaworu’s. It was the only number which was accompanied with a picture that the smiling pale boy made Shinji take in the park this cloudy afternoon.

_He’s so photogenic_ , Shinji thought sourly. The picture Kaworu took of him (after about 10 minutes of friendly nagging, until Shinji finally gave up and made a cringingly awkward pose) must look horrible compare to Kaworu’s.

Finally having the time to truly examine the boy, as he never had enough courage to look directly at him for more than a few seconds while they were talking, Shinji noticed something.

Kaworu was really handsome, at an almost model-like level. He was slim, pale and elegant; if he were an animal, Shinji thought, he’d surely be a swan. He wondered if his classmate dyed his hair that silver colour, he had never noticed anyone their age having it before today. Maybe it was a new modern trend that Shinji wasn’t familiar with? But he had never seen anyone with eyes, red like rubies, either. Fascinating. Girls must be crazy about him.

His own appearance never bothered Shinji all that much. Not because he found himself to be good-looking or even remotely attractive in any way. No, Shinji knew he was very plain, maybe even below average in his looks, but looks were really the last thing on his list of problems. While other guys his age wanted to impress the opposite-gender, Shinji just wanted to function in society without breaking into a sweaty shaky mess every time a person - of any gender - approached him.

Still, when he compared himself to someone as attractive as Kaworu, he couldn’t help but feel a bit self-conscious about his own appearance. 

A beautiful person such as Kaworu … could he truly be Shinji’s friend? Or would Shinji only be used as some kind of lackey, a helping hand that did Kaworu’s homework until the pale boy noticed that Shinji isn’t of much use as his only strong points were Music and Arts. He sucked at pretty much everything else.

The sound of knocking interrupted his distressful thoughts.

“Shinji?” the voice was Kaji’s “We made lunch, if you want to join us.”

He didn’t really have any desire to deal with the couple at this exact moment but … he was starving to the point where he’d eat anything, even a meal that came from Misato’s unskilled hands.

“Okay,” he called out as he untangled himself from the blanket and made his way to the kitchen.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by Ryuutsu :)

“You’re up early.”

Misato pushed a cup of warm cherry-flavoured tea into the tired boy’s hands as soon as he entered the kitchen. Shinji lowered his gaze, and was met by his reflection. He looked as worn out as he felt, and a headache was starting to spread as if his head was home to a million of tiny gnomes who just started their morning hunt for gold.

Not even an hour of sleep _._ Can he handle not sleeping for the whole week? The whole month? Whole year?

No.

“Ah now, don’t look so gloomy,” the older woman ruffled his hair and smiled. “It will go better today; I can feel it in my bones! Even Pen Pen is cheering for you!” The penguin raised his head from the bowl of delicious fish mixed food at the mention of his name, and sent his owner a curious look.

The hardworking civilisation of gnomes in Shinji’s head got louder.

“Kaji!” Misato yelled and Shinji flinched, spilling half of the cup’s content on his white pyjamas. “Make Shinji some eggs, please!”

“On it, babe!” was heard from Misato’s bedroom, and a minute later a shirtless Kaji appeared, his long dark hair no longer restricted by a ponytail and sticking out in odd directions. A very obvious red mark was proudly displayed on his neck for the whole world to see. _So that’s why she’s in such a good mood at this early hour_ , Shinji thought.

Misato turned her attention back to Shinji. “Kaji will take you to school today, okay? I have an important meeting in—” she looked at her phone “—holy s – soup, 20 minutes!”

Before Shinji could utter a single word, she was already out of the room and running down the stairs in _high heels._

 

* * *

 

“High school sucks,” was the first thing out of Kaji’s mouth when they got in the car, “There is no denying that, and I won’t try to convince you otherwise. “

Shinji appreciated the older man’s honesty. But he wasn’t quite in the mood for a life lecture 15 minutes before entering the cause of his stress.

Kaji started the car and continued, oblivious to the boy’s discomfort. “But it will also end. And the sooner you get over it, the better.” He looked at Shinji in the rear-view mirror and Shinji quickly dropped his gaze when their eyes met. But the man wasn’t done with him yet.

“And even though it sucks— “ the driver made a left turn and sped up, “—it will turn you into a stronger person by the time it’s over. Trust me; I wasn’t like I am today when I was your age either.”

The rest of the drive was spent in silence, with only Kaji humming to the tunes of ridiculous pop songs on the radio while the boy in the backseat was busy trying to calm down a pounding heart and a killer headache that was growing stronger by the minute.

Shinji gulped as the sight of a familiar store placed right next to the building that kept him awake at night appeared.

“Well, here we are. “ Kaji stopped the car and turned around to properly look at his quiet passenger. “Good luck, kiddo.”

“Thanks,” Shinji mumbled, still successfully avoiding the older man’s gaze as he got out of the car. Kaji gave him a thumbs up and drove away, leaving Shinji to face his fears once more.

Shinji looked at his small schedule that he kept in the left pocket of his black trousers. Biology. _Classroom C4, where in the world is that?_

Biting his lower lip nervously, he made his way inside, careful to preserve the usual healthy distance from other students that were cheerfully chatting and joking with their group of friends. Blue eyes were automatically searching for that pale skin and silver hair that stood out in the crowd. But no matter how much Shinji looked, he couldn’t detect the slim form of Kaworu Nagisa anywhere. Maybe the pale boy was already in the classroom? Or he didn’t arrive yet.

Realising he was already hoping his kind classmate would help him go through the day, Shinji shook his head. No! He won’t depend on Kaworu’s kindness. He won’t cling to Kaworu like a small child lost in the mall just because his classmate displayed compassion the day before. It was most likely just masked pity after all. Yes, that was probably the case. Kaworu was a kind human who felt sorry for him, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be Shinji’s friend.

Passing door after door, Shinji could feel the panic in his chest steadily rising. What if he doesn’t even find the classroom in time? After checking all doors on the ground floor for the third time, he tried his luck upstairs.

The second floor did not look as well preserved as the first one. The walls looked like they were in desperate need of a fresh coat of paint, and some doors looked like they were around 20 years older than Misato. Plus, the whole area gave off a weird scent that Shinji couldn’t quite describe.

Looking around like a trapped animal, Shinji spotted a figure that made him both relived and nervous at the same time.

It was the redheaded girl who rudely shoved him away yesterday. She was accompanied by a slightly taller girl with pigtails who was excitedly trying to tell her something. The redhead looked as annoyed as the day before and Shinji shuddered. Did the poor girl next to her not sense that?

Making himself as small as possible, Shinji followed them.

They walked across the narrow hall and turned right. The boy stopped when he saw them entering a room, anxious thoughts bursting out like a volcano.

What if all of the seats were already taken? He didn’t know this school’s sitting habits. Did they assign you a seat for the whole year, or did it change every day the way it did at his last school? Did you have to fight for the seat in the back every single day? What if Shinji were to sit in an empty spot that the whole class knows belongs to a popular kid who will never forgive him for such a foolish mistake?

Feet were frozen on the ground, lower lip on the verge of tearing and bleeding from the force of his teeth.

_Move, please. Please. Just move!_

This can’t be happening again. Misato will stick to her threats; Shinji had no doubt about that.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

A hand made contact with his trembling shoulder and Shinji jumped, almost dropping his bag in the process.

“You must be my new student!” the voice sounded deep and cheerful.

Shinji slowly turned around and looked up.

It was a teacher. An older man, hair colour already having left its youthful days and his face covered in wrinkles.

“I ... u-um … “

“It’s okay, you’re not late. I just came early because I was finished with a meeting and had nothing better to do. I’m Professor Kozo Fuyutsuki, your biology teacher.”

The professor threw his arm around Shinji’s shoulder in a friendly manner and pulled him in the direction of the classroom. Fuyutsuki’s touch felt immensely unwelcome, but the boy was too afraid of displeasing his teacher to shake it off. It felt nothing like the calming touch Shinji received yesterday.

They entered the classroom together, and the noise coming from the students immediately stopped.

“Class!” Shinji was dragged in front of the chalkboard – this part of the school truly was old, who still used these in 2016? – and 29 pairs of eyes stared at him as if he was the most fascinating artefact in a museum.

“This is your new classmate, Shaun Ikari.”

“Actually m-my name is – “

“Please make Shaun feel welcome.”

Shinji quickly shut his mouth, not having the courage to attempt correcting his teacher again.

“Now go on, find yourself a seat! The front row is still half empty and I would love to see it filled.”

It was true. The only person occupying the front row was a pale girl, as pale as Kaworu, with blue hair. She was the only one who didn’t even glance up when the teacher introduced Shinji, apparently completely consumed by the book in her hands that hid her face like a shield.

But there was still no sign of Kaworu. Was yesterday a dream? Was Shinji finally going crazy?

He took the table on the left, leaving one table between himself and the blue-haired girl. He opened the bag and pulled out his notebook purely because he needed an excuse to look down at his table and avoid the curious looks that were burning holes into his back.

Professor Fuyutsuki sat down and turned on the computer, beginning the lesson.

20 minutes into the lecture, Shinji finally managed to get rid of the tension in his shoulders and let them drop with a quiet sigh. But just as he did, the door suddenly flew open and -

“Karl, you’re late again.”

\- Kaworu was standing between the doorframes, trying to catch his breath. His pale cheeks were a lovely shade of pink, silver hair a mess and his whole body shaking with every breath he took. He looked like he just ran 5 kilometres without stopping.

When the pale boy’s breathing finally normalised he stood up straight and gently closed the door behind him. A very different kind of blush covered his face, a blush that Shinji knew by heart.

The perfect, elegant boy was embarrassed.

“I apologise, professor. “

The teacher simply waved his hand, which said “just get a sit already”, and Kaworu bowed his head, hurriedly making his way to the table right between Shinji and the blue haired girl. The pale boy put down his bag on the left side of the table, reaching into it to pull out a notebook when his eyes met Shinji’s.

Kaworu blinked.

A blush of embarrassment, much like the one his classmate wore just a minute ago, spread across Shinji’s face. Kaworu caught him staring like a creep! Shinji immediately looked back at his textbook, pretending to be deeply interested in eukaryotic cells.

“You came!” a soft whisper reached his ears and Shinji swiftly glanced back at his table neighbour.

The pale boy was smiling. He was smiling as if he was _genuinely_ _happy to see him_ and it was contagious, because Shinji felt his own face muscles returning the gesture.

Maybe this day won’t be so dreadful after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify, this is not a karlshaun fic (as much as I love that verison). But I couldn't resist throwing a reference to them in it. :) Fuyutsuki's bad with names.
> 
> Next chapter will finally show Shinji's proper interaction with his other classmates. (And will hopefully be a bit longer.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not beta'd so I apologise for any mistakes. If I get it beta'd I'll edit it.  
> UPDATE: Beta'd by Ryuutsu.

Biology class went surprisingly well, in Shinji’s humble opinion. Professor Fuyutsuki’s style of teaching was one that consisted of long monologues, and sometimes the old man showed a few pictures to go hand in hand with his explanation of subcellular components. Shinji was rather impressed by Fuyutsuki’s ability to use the computer when most teachers his age couldn’t even open Google without asking students for assistance. But the quality he liked most about his professor was the fact that Fuyutsuki never demanded answers on questions from someone who didn’t raise their hand, unlike Shinji’s ex history teacher who apparently gained great joy from questioning students that were obviously not very good at history and then ridiculing them in front of their peers.

So yes, Shinji couldn’t deny the first class of the day was going fairly okay, even with the rocky start. Maybe Misato’s gut feeling wasn’t deceiving her this time after all.

That was, until the professor stood up and wrote next week’s homework on the chalkboard in a handwriting that would make every doctor across the country shine with pride.

Uh-oh.

 _Well, not everything about this class can be ideal_ , Shinji thought reasonably as he tried and failed to make sense of hieroglyph-resembling words.

By the time the school bell announced the end of class, he finally managed to figure out they had to read the content from page 6 to page 8 in their books, and complete exercise 5c and 7b. His table neighbour seemed to be done with writing down instructions long ago, because he jumped to his feet the second the class was over and overshadowed Shinji’s table with his tall, lean frame.

“Hi!” Kaworu greeted Shinji excitedly and leaned closer, hands hidden in the pockets of his black trousers and red eyes shining brightly. Shinji would say he looked like a ray of sunshine, but with skin so pale his classmate reminded him more of the Earth’s natural satellite.

Why was he so … _cheery_ to see Shinji?

“Hi,” Shinji returned the greeting shyly as he got up and packed the remaining school accessories back into his bag, mostly so his hands had something to do and would not nervously scratch at each other.  As much as Shinji was fond of Kaworu, talking to the pale boy in a room full of people, without mentally preparing himself first, still proved to be a difficult task.

A bit of an awkward silence followed and Shinji could swear he saw a tint of pink on the other boy’s cheeks. He sincerely hoped Kaworu wasn’t developing a fever, because he selfishly counted on the pale boy’s help with adjusting to classes, at least until the first week was over.

Kaworu coughed – another sign of potential illness? - and when he spoke again he seemed more composed and calm, the way Shinji remembered him from the day before. “We have P.E. next, I’ll show you the way.”

“Thanks.” Shinji got up and followed him out of the classroom like an obedient tiny duckling.

“How are you?”

The unspoken “are you feeling better than yesterday” hung in the air.

“I’m okay.” Realising the answer sounded very short and uninterested, therefore most likely considered rude, Shinji quickly tried to cover up his social failure. “And you?” he made sure to sound as interested as he felt.

“Well, I’m okay now,” Kaworu’s eyelashes fluttered as he glanced at Shinji with half-lidded eyes and a cat-like smile. “Had a bit of a rough morning though.” He added after a moment of thought.

“Are you getting ill?” Shinji asked, voice dripping with concern.

“Don’t worry, I’m perfectly healthy. I was just – “

His sentence was cut off by a loud female voice. “YOU!”

Shinji’s blood turned cold. Was the shouting directed at him? But he didn’t even talk to anyone besides Kaworu and the Biology professor yet!

A few seconds later the scary redheaded girl was beside them, completely ignoring Shinji and rather violently poking into the pale boy’s chest.

“Where were you yesterday?” she huffed up at the white-haired boy, her whole posture looking like she was ready to fight a leopard with bare fists.

“It’s nice to see you too, Asuka.” Kaworu didn’t seem fazed by the girl’s aggressive behaviour at all. He even had the nerve to give her a small smile, which only made the redhead glare harder. Shinji gulped.

“Rei was worried, you know. At least text if you decide to randomly disappear for a day!”

“I apologise if I caused you distress.” Kaworu caught her hand and lowered it from his chest. “That hurts,” he added.

Asuka pulled her hand from his grasp, a disgusted sound leaving her lips.

Shinji had no idea what was going on. Were these two friends? Was this Asuka girl Kaworu’s ... Kaworu’s _girlfriend?_ Her reaction very much resembled Misato’s when she was in one of her moods – most often caused by the stress of her job - and was fighting with Kaji. Well, it wasn’t exactly a real fight, as Kaji never seemed to lose his cool but only tried to calm his raging girlfriend down. Shinji knew the man succeeded when he heard suspicious sounds during the night and saw a very happy Misato in the morning.

His thoughts were interrupted when Asuka noticed his existence and turned her attention from Kaworu to him.

“New kid, you also didn’t show up! Even though you were in school before the class started.” The glare she sent him didn’t seem to have as much force as the one for Kaworu had, but Shinji’s heart still pounded with fear.

“I w-wasn’t feeling well, so I went home,” the boy stammered, feet automatically taking a step closer to Kaworu. He was so near that Shinji could smell the pale boy’s fresh clothes. It was a strangely pleasant aroma.

Asuka tsk-ed and crossed her arms, frown slowly leaving her face. _She’s actually quite pretty when she’s not mad_ , Shinji thought. Her blue eyes scanned Shinji from head to toe and then sent the pale boy beside him a dirty look, one you would usually give a dog for ruining a brand new pillow with his teeth.

Was she disappointed in Kaworu’s taste in friends? Was Shinji not an acceptable company for Kaworu to be around?

The anxious boy scratched his left hand nervously as her gaze once again landed on him.

“I’d be careful around this pervert, if I were you,” Asuka warned Shinji with a bored voice as she tilted her head in Kaworu’s direction. “You have a cute face - just his type.”

What’s _that_ supposed to mean?

Before Shinji could voice his confusion beyond a small “What?”, Kaworu quickly put an end to their little interaction.

“We’re going to be late! Come on Shinji, P.E. is this way.” The pale boy hurriedly turned left, leaving the redheaded girl behind so Shinji had no choice but to follow him, Asuka’s words still ringing in his head.

 

* * *

 

The dressing room smelled of sweat, testosterone and fragile teenage ego. The three things Shinji absolutely despised dealing with, for various reasons.

Mostly because it often involved him getting beat up for being “a sissy”.

That’s why the warm “welcome, new kid!” caught him completely off guard when he entered the room with Kaworu. Someone grabbed his hand and shook it so enthusiastically that the rest of his arm moved up and down like a noodle.

“I’m Touji. What’s your name? I’m guessing it’s not Shaun, professor Fuyutsuki is shit at names – he still calls me Tony, and it’s been over a year.”

The hand that was gripping him was much bigger than his own. It was warm and strong, a hand that surely had a very confident and fit owner.

He looked up at the said owner. It was a tall dark-haired boy who was giving him a toothy grin.

Shinji’s hand started to sweat.

“I’m Shinji,” he managed to get out before the silence got too long.

“Nice to meet you Shinji!”

“Touji, you’re scaring the poor guy.”

A shorter, less intimidating boy with glasses and freckles joined them, Touji finally dropped Shinji’s hand and pouted at the newcomer. “No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

The shorter boy turned to Shinji, and to his relief only gave him a small wave. “Hi there, I’m Kensuke. Don’t mind Touji over here, he gets excited pretty easily.”

The two boys proceeded to bicker, so Shinji looked around for a place to change. His unofficial school guide silently slipped away earlier while Shinji was shaking hands and was now changing into his P.E. clothes in the lone corner across the room.

“I’m um  ... going to change into my sport clothes now,” Shinji said, hoping it was loud enough for his two bickering classmates — who were already wearing P.E. clothes — to hear.

“Right! Sorry for keeping you. We can talk more during lunch break.” Touji nodded and made way for Shinji to pass.

As he was walking to Kaworu’s corner, he noticed something odd. All of the remaining boys – and thankfully there weren’t many of those left – were sitting in groups and chatting. It was obvious that they did not care much for personal space, and yet there was a big hole of it between them and the white-haired boy.

_“There are many people in this school that dislike me.”_

But _why._ Why would anyone dislike someone as wonderful and kind as Kaworu?

Then again, Shinji didn’t understand people at all. Who knew what kind of stupid reasons they had in their thick heads.

He sat down just as his pale classmate pulled on a white and blue tank top, which clung to his slim frame perfectly.

 _Wait, what if he’s alone because he wants to be_?, another irrational thought hit Shinji like a bucket of ice-cold water. _What If I’m overstepping his boundaries?_

“Um…”

Kaworu’s head turned to him, a questioning look on his pretty face.

“Is it okay if I sit here?”

He felt like an idiot the moment the words left his mouth.

The pale boy’s face features softened. He gave Shinji another one of his gentle smiles.

“Of course.”

 

* * *

 

The P.E. teacher was a younger man by the name of Shigeru Aoba. He had longer hair – but not quite as long as Kaji – and seemed friendly enough. 20 minutes in, Shinji came to a conclusion that Aoba was one of those teachers who made their students run while he himself sat in his comfortable chair, nomming on a chocolate bar and ignoring the nasty looks that a few envious boys were sending him. It was also obvious that he did not particularly care if his students actually did anything he ordered them to, as he was too busy laughing at something on his IPad.

Most boys only ran when he looked up from his machine, and some didn't even bother then. The only ones that were really running were Shinji (because he was too afraid to make a bad impression on his first day, and was bad at breaking rules anyway), Touji who ran as if it was the most meaningful thing in life, three boys whose names Shinji didn’t know yet and Kaworu, who was just behind Touji and ran without breaking a sweat. Shinji on the other hand, was barely keeping up and was not much faster than Kensuke who was only speed walking.

“Okay, boys, you can stop now.” The end of their unproductive 25 minutes was announced.  Mr. Shigeru yawned as he got up from his chair. “Time for volleyball.”

A collective groan spread across the hall. Someone yelled that volleyball was for girls, and a few murmurs of agreement followed. The professor was not having any of that, however.

“Shut up and get going.”

The professor chose Touji and some blonde kid to form groups. This was the part Shinji dreaded because he was always, without fail, the last to get picked. It was humiliating to be the last one standing on the other side and watch as no one wanted to take you into their team. Shinji knew he was bad at sports, but he also knew that the real reason he wasn’t picked was because people didn’t like him. And that hurt more than he liked to admit.

Should he ask Mr. Shigeru for permission to go to the bathroom? That way he’d be the last one to get picked because he physically wasn’t there and the professor would probably put him in one of the teams when he got back.

Just as he was about to raise his hand to put his clever escape plan into action, Touji called his name.

_Huh?!_

Baffled, Shinji entered Touji’s team with wobbly legs, and their leader gave him a friendly pat on the back. The next to join the team was Kensuke, and the rest of the boys who joined them afterwards were still unknown faces to Shinji.

He watched as the group on the other side grew smaller and smaller with each person getting sorted in one of the teams. Finally, it came to the last two.

It was Kaworu along with another boy, who seemed a bit more on the chubby side.

Shinji couldn’t fathom how that was possible. Did the world go completely insane? How was _he_ picked first and _Kaworu_ was one of the last people standing on the other side?

The opposite team’s leader called a name that was definitely not Kaworu’s.

 _Something must be wrong with the universe today_ , Shinji decided. There was no other explanation for what just happened. None that would make sense anyway.

Kaworu, however, didn’t seem bothered at all. He still had that calm composure, standing straight, hands behind his back and waiting patiently for his name to be called.

“Oh what the heck - come here, Nagisa.” Touji was a merciful man.

When the pale boy stepped into their team everyone but Touji and Shinji made a not so subtle step backwards, as if they were sheep and a wolf just got into their safe haven.

Okay, that was definitely an overreaction on their part. Shinji never had something like this happen to him at his previous school, and people openly hated his guts and made sure to let him know with any chance they got. What was these people’s problem with Kaworu?

Not knowing the answer to that question bothered him. A lot.

Professor Shigeru blew the whistle and the game began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than the last one, but still quite short by ff standards. I really wish I could write longer chapters but I'm a terribly slow writer.  
> Thank you for all the kind comments! It really keeps me motivated to write more. :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by Heibo ( http://heibo.tumblr.com/ ). She did a fantastic job, thank you so so much <3

“Nagisa, stop that!” Touji yelled as Kaworu jumped in front of him for the seventh time, hitting the ball before it could make another painful collision with the shorter boy's face.

The pale boy paid no mind to their annoyed leader, turning his attention on Shinji instead. He mouthed a small “thank you” before his eyes shifted to Touji, who looked like he was about to start spitting fire at both of them.

“GET YOUR ASS BACK TO YOUR SPOT!”  The one getting the fiery response was, of course, Kaworu.

This time Kaworu did acknowledge and obey the angry yell, but without a hint of remorse for his repeated actions of crime. He made his way back to the front with a barely noticeable skip in his step and a smile on his face. Touji huffed at him.

It turned out that the silver-haired boy was an absolute beast at volleyball and Shinji was now immensely glad they were on the same team instead of being stuck on the other side of the net. Kaworu’s hits had unbelievable force behind them and almost never seemed to miss their target. Judging by the boy's slim frame, it wasn't something Shinji could have imagined. There was barely even a hint of muscle mass. Where did Kaworu learn to play like that?

If he weren't too busy feeling sorry for himself, he would have for the other team, whose members stopped trying to hit the ball whenever it came from Kaworu’s hand. Instead they threw themselves out of the way, as if it was a speeding bullet of doom that caused instant death.

And if Shinji’s eyes didn’t deceive him … the silver-haired boy seemed to take pleasure from their fear, making his hits especially aggressive whenever the ball was directed at their curly haired blond classmate. Was he taking revenge for being picked last? But Kaworu didn’t strike Shinji as a very vengeful person. Maybe he just really enjoyed this sport.

Shinji, however, did not.

In fact, he would much rather listen to 5 hours of Math lessons than be stuck here. Hell, he would rather spend another day shopping with Misato for her new guns, even though those terrified the crap out of him (while his guardian coo’d at them as if they were small kittens and not deathly weapons, capable of taking a life).

The first time the ball entered the area he was supposed to cover, Shinji made an impressive jump to the right in attempt to avoid it, shielding his head with trembling arms. The second time it was his turn to block, he tried his best to do so. The ball, however, didn’t seem to care for his efforts as it bounced off the ceiling. It ended its destination – to Shinji’s horror - on a fellow teammate’s head, who made his displeasure very clear and vocal. So did the rest of his team, the only exceptions being Kaworu and Touji.

He tried to block the annoyed sighs and whispered profanities coming from his teammates, desperately doing everything in his power to prevent a nervous breakdown in front of 15 teenage boys. They would most definitely use that moment of weakness against him, until the very end of their high school careers. Touji threw some words of encouragement, but they sounded more and more unsure with Shinji’s every new failed attempt to get the ball on the other side of the net.

Oh how he wished the floor would swallow him whole.

Kaworu must’ve seen Shinji’s distress, because he ran up to the shaking boy after his fourth failure and started to take the hits for him, doing so with little to no effort.

Until, of course, the moment Touji put an end to it.

Shinji didn’t understand why their leader was against Kaworu taking his turns. After all, it was a lot more beneficial for the whole team if Shinji was nowhere near the ball.

“You’ll never learn if you don’t do it yourself,” was the only explanation Touji offered him, after he made sure the silver-haired rule-breaker was standing back at his rightful spot.

 

* * *

 

“Where did you learn to play like that?”

They were slowly making their way to the cafeteria, the anxious boy still recovering from the stressful situation he found himself in during the game. To Shinji’s relief the game ended just 5 minutes after Kaworu’s assistance got forbidden, and their team still managed to win the game in the end. Not that Shinji himself cared who the winner was, but it would’ve been very bad news for him if the team lost due to his lack of skills. Some people took games way too seriously.

“Asuka and my cousin taught me, actually.” Ah yes … the red-headed girl did seem like the kind of person who would excel at sport activities. Or beating people up. Shinji hoped he would never have to face her with a ball involved.

“I was a hopeless case myself, when I started.” Realising what just left his mouth, the silver-haired boy immediately tried to fix it. “Not saying you’re a hopeless case, of course. I just –“

Mouth twisting into a bitter smile, Shinji shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I know I’m bad at volleyball. Or any sport, for that matter.” A sigh followed. “I just wish I knew enough to not be a bother for other people.” He finally confessed, scratching his left arm self-consciously.

“I could teach you some basics, if you’d like.” Kaworu offered.

Shinji stopped walking. “You…Would you really be willing to do that?”

Kaworu had a very intimate way of looking at people, Shinji noticed, when the pale boy also stopped in his tracks and turned around to face him. It was as if the pale boy could see straight into the depths of your soul. And who knew, maybe he _could_. Kaworu Nagisa was full of surprises so far.

“Of course I would. And sports are not all that different from learning instruments, after all. You just need time and practise. You said you play cello, correct?”

“Yes.”  A warm, pleasant feeling spread across his body because the pale boy actually paid enough attention to remember that little piece of information. “And you play the violin, Kaworu?”

The silver-haired boy grinned and nodded, happy to be on the subject they both loved with such passion.

“I do. It was my first instrument, I’m also currently learning piano.”

“That’s amazing!” Shinji exclaimed, face flushing from embarrassment after realising what an excited sound his mouth had produced. He continued in a much lower tone. “When I was a kid, I really wanted to play the piano but,” he paused. This topic was quickly digging its way into unwanted territory.  “My father didn’t let me. I didn’t actually choose the cello, it was chosen for me, because my mother’s father played it and we had one at home. ”

He also started cello lessons because his father didn’t want to spend any time with him after Yui Ikari’s tragic death. _Apparently sending your child to a music tutor is a great way to get rid of your responsibility as a parent,_ Shinji thought bitterly.

A short moment of silence followed before he continued. “Don’t get me wrong, I love playing the cello now. It’s very ... soothing. But I really wish there was something in my life that I’ve done out of my own free will.” Wow, he was such a downer. No wonder other people never paid attention to him if he spurted such depressing shit every time he had the chance to speak for more than two minutes.

“Well,” Kaworu gently started. “It’s never too late to start. I’ve only began my piano lessons last year.” He tilted his fluffy silver head to the left and carefully examined the shorter boy, whose eyes were currently glued to the floor, observing the dead fly that was positioned next to Kaworu’s shiny shoes.

“And the piano teacher at this school is very nice.” The pale boy quickly added when he noticed Shinji bite his lower lip with uncertainty.

The shorter boy looked up, catching eye contact with the red-eyed owner. “I guess I’ll think about it. Thank you for the information though.”

Kaworu smiled. “No problem. Do you still want those volleyball lessons?”

“Only if it’s not too much trouble.” What was he getting himself into? He despised sports.

“No trouble at all.”

They exchanged content smiles and finally continued their way to the cafeteria, both pleased with the arrangements that were made.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, is that Ikari with Nagisa?” Kensuke observed, mouth leaving the green straw of his orange juice box with a pop.

Touji turned around just as Kaworu got food on his plate and joined Shinji in search for a table.

“It is. Ah man, he doesn’t know does he? Guy’s been in this school for one day and Nagisa is already making a move on him.” Touji shook his head, pity written all over his face. “We gotta help him.”

“Yo Shinji!”

The brown-haired boy stopped in his tracks and looked for the source of yelling.

Touji and Kensuke were waving at him from the small table positioned under the big window. “Come sit with us!” Kensuke yelled, pointing at their table dramatically.

“You can go,” Kaworu said softly, shoulders making a noticeable drop.

Touji and Kensuke seemed like alright guys but … Shinji was still not over the whole embarrassing P.E. scenario.  And he would much rather spend his lunch break around a person who didn’t make him want to scratch his entire face off from anxiety. He just wanted to eat lunch with Kaworu in peace.

But he also didn’t want to be rude to the two classmates who made an honest effort to be nice to him. He wanted to get along with people in this school _so bad._ He wanted to feel normal.

“You’re not coming?” he asked Kaworu when his taller companion made a turn to the right.

Kaworu shook his head, a shadow of sadness appearing across his face.

Shinji’s heart ached. He knew that look all too well.

“I believe I’m not welcome there.”

“…”

Kaworu gave him a small smile, this one definitely forced.

“It’s alright. I’m going to go sit with Asuka and the others. You are always welcome to join, if you change your mind.”

Shinji looked at the waving duo and then back at the pale boy, feeling torn.

Before coming to this school he worried he’d have to spend every single break _alone_. This kind of dilemma was not on his list of probabilities. Therefore he was not mentally prepared for it, at all.

“Well … I guess we will see each other at Physics then.” Kaworu said when Shinji’s head once again turned to Touji and Kensuke’s table.

“O-okay. Sorry about this.”

They said their goodbyes and Shinji carefully approached the two classmates who unknowingly ruined his previously content mood. He stood still for a moment, deciding which seat he should take, before Touji interrupted his trail of thoughts.

“Why are you standing? Sit dude.” Touji gave a friendly laugh, but his, otherwise well-intentioned, words caused Shinji’s brain to immediately make its decision in panic. He put his plate down next to Kensuke – who was closer – with a little bit too much force, making his drink spill all over the table.

“Whoa!” Kensuke quickly pulled his plate way, before the soda could get anywhere near his precious fried chicken and potatoes.

“I’m so sorry!!” Panicking, Shinji grabbed an already soaked napkin and started wiping the table before the dark fluid could make its way to the floor as well, his ears and cheeks burning from the sudden shame.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It happens.” Kensuke also stood up, taking his own paper napkin to help.

This was the universe punishing him for making the wrong choice, wasn’t it? Shinji wished he could disappear along with the spilled soda that was now slowly getting wiped away, revealing the white surface of the table once more.

With joined forces they finally managed to get rid of it. He quietly thanked Kensuke and sat down, giving his soda-mixed potatoes a gloomy look. That’s going to taste weird.

“I’m really sorry. I’m very-” nervous, anxious, panicking over every trivial thing “-clumsy.”

“It’s ok, no real harm done.”

Silence.

“So … “ Touji’s deep voice broke it. “How do you like it here so far?”

Shinji tore his eyes away from his ruined food and quickly glanced at Touji, purely out of politeness, before his eyes looked somewhere over his classmate’s shoulder, where the window was placed. The trees outside were slowly getting autumn-coloured.

“It’s nice. The professors seem okay.” He was probably the least qualified person for small talk. What else could he say to not seem cold and uninterested? “Um, I like … I like the classrooms. They’re very colourful.”

 _Who the hell says stuff like that?_ He cringed at himself.

Unlike Touji, Kensuke didn’t seem to beat around the bush. “How come you transferred?”

The regret meter in Shinji’s head reached it’s peak.

“I moved to a new place this summer, the school was too far for me to keep attending,” he lied, hoping the freckled boy would drop the topic.

But apparently it was not going to be dropped.

“Which school did you used to go to?” Touji also joined the interrogation.

Crap. He really was digging his own grave with these small lies. His previous school was not that far away, he couldn’t name it without revealing his dishonesty and immediately ruining any chances for future friendship with the two boys.

Fortunately, he didn’t have to; a female voice behind his back interrupted the uncomfortable situation. “Hi.”

Touji looked up at the newcomer and smiled dreamily.

“Hi Hikari. Not eating with the girls today?”

“I actually just came by for Shinji.” He turned around at the mention of his name and was met face to face with a dark haired girl with pigtails, who was giving him a friendly smile. She seemed more approachable than Asuka, at least.

“Hi, I’m Hikari, the class representative.”

She offered her hand and Shinji took it, hoping it wasn’t too sticky from the previous soda incident.

“Ms Akagi sent me. She said you should give her a visit in her office one of these days.”

“Um … Who is Ms Akagi?”

Hikari blinked and the boy felt his cheeks burn for what seemed to be the hundredth time that day. Was it really that odd he didn’t know? He just got here! She probably wouldn’t know either if she were in his position.

“Ritsuko Akagi, she’s our homeroom teacher. She also teaches Physics.”

“Oh. Okay, t-thank you for the message.”

“No problem. Well, I’m going to go finish my lunch. See you guys!” Shinji’s eyes trailed after her until she sat down next to Asuka.

Wait.

That was the table Kaworu was sitting at. It seemed like he was the only guy there too, surrounded by a group of pretty girls. There was Asuka, the weird blue haired girl that creeped Shinji out, Hikari and another girl with glasses who looked quite energetic. Kaworu was sitting next to her, currently having his pale cheeks pinched while she communicated with him in baby sounds.

So Kaworu truly was a ladies man. That did explain some things … the boys were most likely jealous and saw him as competition.

Luckily, Shinji didn’t care about that sort of thing. Kaworu could have all the girls in the world as far as Shinji was concerned, as long as the pale classmate wasn’t mean towards him.

“Earth to Shinji.” A finger poked him in the shoulder and brought him back to reality.

“Looking at the girls huh?” Touji smirked “Well, sorry to disappoint you buddy, but that group is hard to get. Everyone except Hikari is kind of a pain to interact with.”

“A-ah! No I wasn’t  ... I was just … wait, why are they a pain?”

“Well do you see that red-headed girl who’s sitting next to Hikari?” Touji pointed at Asuka without any kind of discreetness. “That’s Asuka Langley, she has anger issues and yells a lot.”

“One time she almost smashed my camera!” Kensuke complained. “We were on a school trip to the countryside and she said I had no right to film her, but I wasn’t even filming her! I was trying to capture a UFO.”

“Dude, for the last time, it was not a UFO. It was a gas balloon.”

“Nuh-uh! It so was a UFO. Aliens always start the abductions of farmers first, because they want to experiment on people who aren’t likely to have important connections. The creatures of space are intelligent Touji, they know they’ll be found if they do it in a city!”

“Oh my god –“

 _These two really are like an old married couple_ , Shinji thought to himself when Touji and Kensuke started to bicker again, this time over the existence of aliens. He took his fork and poked one of his less spoiled potatoes, before bringing it to his mouth. Thankfully, it didn’t taste half as bad as he thought it would.

“Anyway,” Touji was done reasoning with his alien-obsessed freckled friend and continued his previous gossipy topic. “The blue haired girl is Rei Ayanami. She’s Nagisa’s cousin and is even weirder than him. Don’t piss her off and don’t comment on her hair, because she will slap you.”

Shinji shuddered. How can the creepy girl be related to Kaworu? Kaworu was kind, friendly and open and this Rei girl was …

He mentally slapped himself, stopping the negative thoughts. He couldn’t judge the poor girl before he even talked to her. Besides, Touji and Kensuke didn’t seem to like Kaworu either, and he was the nicest person Shinji’s met so far.

“- and the one sitting next to Nagisa is Mari Makinami. Actually, Mari is pretty nice. Sometimes she can get a bit loud and annoying though. “

“I see.” Shinji mumbled, poking at his food to avoid eye contact. He didn’t want to be involved in the gossip any further, it made him feel uncomfortable and guilty, even if he was just a silent observer. These were Kaworu’s friends they were so rudely discussing, surely the pale boy wouldn’t approve if he knew what was going on. He would hate Shinji.

“Speaking of weird people, I think you should know this. Nagisa is –“

Shinji instantly jumped to his feet, causing the whole table to shake. The duo sent him a puzzled look, but at that point, he didn’t care anymore.

“I think I’ll go speak to Ms Akagi now, before the break is over.” He blurted out, before Touji could start badmouthing his friend.

Shinji might be a coward, but he had no intention of having any part in gossip. Especially if it was about Kaworu.

Nope.

Not happening.

Turning around, the boy speed walked away, only stopping to leave his plate in the tray holder before leaving the cafeteria. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew ... this was the longest chapter I've ever written. And it's still not long by ff standards, l-lol.  
> Also Kaworu being good at volleyball ... I'm not making this up. It's in the offical art! So it's canon-ish.  
> Also Anime!Kaworu plays the violin and everyone seems to forget that ever since the gay piano scene came out.  
> So I added that as well. :) (Though the Kaworu in this fic is more like the one from Q, but I like to hint at the other two sometimes too)  
> p.s.-I'm not sure if I mentioned it before but ... my first language isn't English, so that's why some sentences might sound weird sometimes. Though Heibo helped me a lot with that in this chapter. Thank you again!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: Beta'd by the lovely [LifeinFanfiction](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LifeinFanfiction/profile)! :D

When he used his visit to Ms Akagi’s office as an excuse to get away from Kensuke and Touji, he never actually planned on going through with it. He desperately needed a break from people and besides, he had no clue where her office was. Hell, he didn’t even know what their homeroom teacher looked like. Searching for her would most definitely result in failure, even if it was in a parallel universe where he would – probably in case of an alien invasion or something - want to find her.

So Shinji’s brilliant plan was to go back to the classroom and listen to music in hopes of calming down, passing the time until his next class. It was a perfectly reasonable, solid plan. If Kensuke and Touji asked any invasive questions about his talk with Ms Akagi he could simply say he didn’t find her.

Yes. Everything is going to be fine, Shinji nodded to himself as he opened the empty classroom’s door.

Except it wasn’t empty.

A blonde woman was sitting at the professor’s table, writing something on her expensive-looking laptop. When she heard the door crack she looked up and gave Shinji a faint smile. It seemed that their homeroom teacher found him instead, he realised with dread.

“Ikari, I’ve been expecting you,” she said, closing her laptop. “Misato said you’ll probably leave the lunch break sooner than other students.”

She knew Misato well enough to call her by her first name?

His professor got up and made her way to the door where Shinji was still standing, an expression of a frightened animal plastered all over his face. “Let’s go to my office so no one disturbs us.”

So no one disturbs them? What will she do to him _?_ Is he in trouble for skipping his first day of class yesterday? 

For dragging Kaworu to skip it with him?

Well Kaworu did go on his own. Technically, it was the silver haired boy who brought him out – not to say that Shinji was unwilling. But the whole thing wouldn’t have happened in the first place if he didn’t have that small meltdown. So it was still entirely his own fault for skipping class. If anyone should be punished, it should be Shinji.

He followed Ms Akagi down the narrow hallway where they passed a few students who were slowly dragging themselves back to their classrooms, closely resembling the undead by their bored, slow steps. However, other than a few curious looks, the journey continued without disturbance.

“Here it is,” His professor announced and stopped suddenly to open the door, almost making the boy crash into her back.

They entered the office.

Oh. Oh no.

Shinji’s hands started to tremble, knuckles itching. He scratched them, causing the sensitive area to become aggressively red again. If he continued with this abuse they would start bleeding sooner or later.

And then Ms Akagi’s lovely blue carpet would get ruined and he’d be in even more trouble.

The blonde woman gestured towards the chair in front of her table and Shinji quickly sat down, gaze firmly stuck on to the carpet.

She sat down opposite of him. “Can I call you Shinji? I’ll call you Shinji. I’m Ritsuko Akagi, as you probably already know.”

He didn’t respond or look up.

“You don’t need to be afraid, you’re not in trouble.” She assured him. “I just wanted to see how you’re doing. I promised Misato I’d look after you.”

At the last sentence made Shinji did shoot a startled glance in her direction.

“You know Misato?” The words slipped out before he could stop them.

Ms Akagi chuckled. “Of course. She’s one of my best friends after all. We went to college together.” His professor feigned an expression of offense when she noticed the boy’s confused look. “What, she never mentioned me? I’m hurt.”

Shinji blushed in embarrassment. “N-no.”

“Well then I’ll just have to stop by for some beer sometime.” Ms Akagi stated with a smile. “Anyway, this isn’t about me or Misato, it’s about you.”

The boy looked down again.

“Shinji.” His teacher’s expression turned serious. “If you have any problems – any problems at all - come tell me, okay? I’m here to help you.”

He nodded, gaze moving from carpet to the picture that was placed on the left side of Ms Akagi’s table. Two small white kittens were on it, sleeping peacefully.

“Now onto other matters. Since you transferred here recently you didn’t get the application form for the school trip that the others got last year.” She opened a drawer under her table and pulled out a yellow envelope. “Give this to Misato to sign and bring it back to me.”

He nodded but took the form reluctantly, as if it was burning hot. Maybe he could pretend that he lost it when he goes back to the apartment.

“There is also a requirement for you to join at least one club for those extra points,” Ms Akagi continued, ignoring the mortified look on her student’s face. “And if you have any more questions, ask Hikari. She’ll be glad to help.”

There was no way he’d be asking anyone but Kaworu for advice. “Okay.”

“See? This wasn’t so bad. Now I’ll stop keeping you, you may return to the classroom. I just need to do a few things before I start the class.”

He got up and turned to the direction of exit, relieved he’s finally allowed to leave.

“Oh and Shinji?”

He stopped, right hand already on the handle.

“I’ll know if you actually give it to her or not.” Ms Akagi patted her mobile phone, indicating on what was to come if he failed to do so. “So there’s no point avoiding it.”

Sigh.

“…I understand.”

 

* * *

 

Ms Akagi was a good professor, but Shinji found her use of language a bit hard to understand. Her expressions of certain words were difficult and whenever she got really worked up into explaining something, her speech would speed up. Shinji had stopped paying attention about 10 minutes ago, and was now only staring in the blonde woman’s direction for the sake of appearing like he was listening. He wouldn’t want to risk suddenly getting called to answer a question. Which had already happened to Rei. Four times.

If Shinji didn’t know any better he’d think Ms Akagi had some kind of grudge against the blue haired girl.

He really wished the day would be over already. But there were 3 more classes to go. Plus, he was supposed to check out clubs after school ended.

 _But I can do that tomorrow_ , Shinji thought to himself. Really, he had done more than enough today. He was surprised and sort of proud of himself that he even got this far.

But will he be able to continue this act for the whole year? That was the real question that kept him up at night. Quite literally. If he doesn’t end up falling asleep in the next two days he’ll have to take the emergency sleeping pill that his doctor prescribed. And seeing how he got zero sleep last night, it was not an unlikely outcome.

His thoughts were interrupted by the bell which obnoxiously announced the end of the class, ending everyone’s misery. Projectile Motion didn’t seem to be a topic that was popular among the students because they immediately got up and tried to make the best of their short break.

“Well aren’t you a cutie?” a teasing female voice greeted him.

“…huh?”

The girl - who Touji had previously gossiped about - was staring down at him, supporting her weight by putting both hands on his table and leaning forward. Her gifted chest was mere centimetres away from the tip of Shinji’s nose, causing his whole face to light up like a firework.

“Princess wasn’t kidding, you really  _do_  have a cute face.” The smile she gave him made him feel uneasy. “I could just eat you up!”

 “U-um …”

What did she want? Shinji didn’t recall exchanging any words or looks with her … did she notice him glancing her way during the break and was now trying to confront him about it?

A deeper, boyish voice joined their one-sided conversation. “Mari, please give Shinji some space.”

Kaworu still wore a smile on his handsome face, but by his tense facial muscles it was obvious that he was annoyed on some level. Shinji just hoped the annoyance wasn’t directed at him.

“Hi moon prince! Don’t worry, he’s all yours. I just wanted to sneak a peek.”

She straightened up and ruffled Shinji’s hair before giving their pale classmate a playful wink. Girls really seemed to flirt with Kaworu a lot. Maybe that’s why the boy wasn’t pleased by Mari’s presence. Though from what he’s seen, the pair got along quite well during lunch break. Shinji wondered if the constant female gaze made Kaworu as uncomfortable as he’d be in the pale boy’s position.

Not that something like that would ever happen. That’s at least one thing he doesn’t need to worry about.

“I see you met Mari,” Kaworu said while he pulled the chair from the neighbouring table and sat down, facing Shinji directly. “Whatever she said to you, take it with a grain of salt. She likes to tease people.”

Yes, that much was obvious.

“She said my face is cute.”

“Oh.” A barely noticeable flush covered Kaworu’s pale cheeks. “That wasn’t her teasing then.”

Is Kaworu making fun of him now too? Is this some kind of joke between him, Asuka and Mari? Shinji knew he did not look like anything but plain and boring.

It seemed the silver-haired classmate sensed the drop in his mood. “I apologise. I didn’t want to cross any boundaries that would make you uncomfortable. But I noticed that you appear to be unware of your good traits.”

Wait … was Kaworu actually complimenting him?

Other than Kaji and Misato, no one has ever implied anything like that. And Shinji was very aware that the couple was only saying those things so his, beaten to a pulp and run over by a tractor, self-esteem would improve. But those words were just white lies that held no real meaning.

“Are you saying I’m cute?” The words were barely above a whisper, curious and fearful at the same time. However, Shinji truly wanted to know if the boy in front of him was only playing a cruel joke or if he was speaking honestly.

The taller boy looked at his hands and then at the ceiling, all in a desperate attempt to avoid meeting Shinji’s gaze. The flush on his face darkened and this time Shinji knew it wasn’t from some kind of illness. In fact, it gave Kaworu quite a healthy appearance.

When the pale classmate finally replied, red eyes met blue.

“Yes, I am,” his reply soft, almost shy.

A strange, unfamiliar feeling spread in Shinji’s chest like hot liquid. His sudden blush mirrored the other boy’s, except that Kaworu probably pulled off an embarrassed face way better. Shinji most likely just looked like an awkward oversized lobster.

People usually return a compliment, right? There was definitely a need to return a compliment like that.

“T-thanks. I um,” If Kaworu was brave enough to say something so embarrassing while looking him in the eye, then Shinji should too. “I think you’re g-good looking too.”

“…thank you.”

After that they stared at each other in silence, both blushing madly until the deafening sound of the school bell almost made Shinji jump out of his skin and helped Kaworu regain his usual pale complexion.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the day went okay, a lot quicker that Shinji expected it to, which he was grateful for. He spent the day thinking about the compliment he received, feeling a bit dumb that he probably reacted like one of Kaworu’s many female admirers, but happy about the pale boy saying it nonetheless. While Shinji still knew he looked nothing above average to most of society, it was comforting to know that there was at least one person who found him okay-looking.

Even if that person was a guy that was way better-looking than Shinji will ever be.

Checking out clubs after school didn’t even cross his mind. After his last class ended, he gave Kaworu a small wave - which the pale boy immediately returned with a beam – and headed to the bus station.

It was only when he was on the long vehicle that he remembered his neglected responsibilities.  Especially the dreadful chore that awaited him at Misato’s apartment.

He’ll have to give his guardian the form or facing Ms Akagi again will be most unpleasant.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a rare occurrence when no one was in the apartment, save for Pen Pen who, Shinji sometimes suspected, just might be their oh-so secretive landlord in a penguin costume. That theory would certainly explain why Misato didn’t get any noise complaints, with all the not-so subtle night activities she and Kaji had.

Odd though. Kaji was usually home at this hour. Misato invariably made sure she arranged their working schedules so someone was constantly home to supervise, in case Shinji decided to run away for the third time.

But hey, he wasn’t complaining about the lack of an adult figure in the apartment. Now was his chance to play the cello, as he was too shy to play it if there anyone nearby hearing it. Playing the instrument his grandfather left behind had become a very personal thing to Shinji, one where he could finally relax his body.

Maybe even relax it enough to be able to sleep that night.

However, the joyful thought quickly went down the gutter because the front door opened as soon as he dropped his bag next to the table. Laughter and gross kissing noises indicated that the couple had returned.

“Hi Shinji! Sorry for the wait, we had to stop at the shop.”

The boy figured ripping the bandage in one go would be the least stressful way to approach the situation that awaited him. He sighed and pulled the envelope out of his bag when Misato entered the kitchen. “Ms Akagi gave me the application form for some trip today. Apparently you have to sign it.”

The woman took the offered envelope and inspected it.

“Right, Ritsuko did mention something like that the other day.”

Even though small talk wasn’t exactly his forte, Shinji really wanted to avoid the unpleasant chat about his feelings about the form that was likely to come.

“I didn’t know you two were friends.” Misato stopped reading the form and looked at him, appearing pleasantly surprised at his pathetic attempt at friendly communication.

“Oh yes! Ritsuko is a babe, one of my best friends actually. In fact it was her who recommended this school for you.” And just like that Misato shifted the focus of the talk back on him.

“I see.”  _You chose this school so you could keep a close eye on me everywhere I go._

“Could you hand me a pen? I want to sign this before I forget.”

“You know,” Shinji broached the delicate topic as he reached for his bag. “Maybe it would be better if you didn’t.”

“Excuse me?” Her tone became dangerous. Kaji, who was just refilling the refrigerator, paused and sent a curious look their way.

Shinji bit his lip and looked at the pen he was gripping. “I can barely handle school as it is. I don’t think a trip like that is something I’m ready for.”

“Shinji…” his guardian sighed and put the envelope on the table before both of her hands found their way onto the boy’s shoulders. “Look at me.”

He did.

“I’m going to sign this paper. It says the trip is only going to last 4 days, so  _please_  try to go. If you won’t be able to go through with it after the first day then inform Ritsuko. She’ll call me and I’ll come and get you, okay?”

Has Misato forgotten how humiliating something like that was? Having your parent get you because you’re  _scared._ These things were already bad in elementary, but they were an absolute disaster in high school. His classmates would never let him forget it.

As if sensing his thought process, Misato continued. “Don’t worry, Ritsuko will tell your classmates you got terribly ill.” She patted his shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile.

“Can’t she do that before the trip starts?” Hope dies last.

“ _Shinji._ ”

“I really don’t w-want to go! Why are you making me go? It won’t affect my education in any way if I miss some stupid trip!” He knew he sounded like a bitter brat but he couldn’t control the anger that was bubbling inside his chest ever since he moved in with the older woman.

Before Misato could scold him again her boyfriend interfered in an unusually serious tone that Shinji wasn’t used to hearing. “We only want what’s best for you Shinji. You know Misato isn’t doing this as some kind of punishment. Running away from your issues won’t fix the core of your problems.”

The boy shut his mouth. Kaji was usually on his side when things got heated. And when he wasn’t … there was no use even arguing anymore.

He imagined people felt the way he was feeling at the moment after they agreed to sell their soul to Satan. The difference was that those people got something in return for their sacrifice. Shinji though? There was no eternal fortune or good looks waiting for him, only the road straight to hell.

He sighed and spit out the words that felt like poison on his tongue. “Fine. I’ll go.”

 

* * *

 

 

Wednesday went alright by Shinji’s standards, the only downside being that he didn’t manage to catch any sleep for the second time. He got to school, gave Ritsuko the form on his fourth try after Kaworu delivered a rather convincing pep talk, and when classes ended he even checked out the music club.

Well he only saw the club from a distance when he escorted his silver-haired friend to piano lessons. Actually, he just got a glimpse of the brilliant instrument before the doors closed.

But it was still  _something. Definitely enough for an excuse to say there was an effort in case Misato asked any questions._

His real troubles started on Thursday when - after the third sleepless night - his guardian finally noticed the dark circles that formed under his eyes.

“You look terrible,” Misato stated the obvious when she leaned in to examine his tired face. “Have you slept at all?”

No.  _But I don’t want you to take me to the doctor again, who's likely going to make me stay the night at the hospital._

“A bit,” Shinji lied through his teeth, not even sounding convincing to himself.

“Hmmm.” Misato grabbed his chin, making him look up and into the depths of her dark, perceptive eyes, which were searching for some honest answers.

He tried his best to glare but he kept zoning out, going cross-eyed which did not help his case one bit. Most of his current energy was focused on not falling to the ground and breaking his skull in half. But it was hard to do that when the inside of his head felt like someone was slowly but surely drilling about 30 holes into his brain.

“I think we should go see your doctor after school.”

“I’m fine!” Shinji all but yelled, jumping away from her grasp. “I’m going to school like you wanted, aren’t I? So please, leave me alone!”

It looked like Misato wanted to say something in return, scold him for being an irresponsible brat most likely, but she bit her lip and took a deep breath instead.

“We’re going to discuss this when you get home. I don’t have the time or energy to argue with you right now.”

The boy stormed out, not wanting to deal with his guardian any longer.

 

* * *

 

As much as Shinji didn’t want to admit defeat, Misato had a point. His brain was suffering from a massive headache, both hands and feet were freezing as if he were in the middle of an extreme Russian winter and at this stage he was pretty convinced half of the people passing by were only hallucinations.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking but … are you feeling unwell?”

And now he was making Kaworu worry too.

“I’m fine.”

They were having their first five minute break and hi; silver-haired classmate was seemingly developing a habit of keeping him company whenever possible.

“Are you certain?”

The intensity in those worried red eyes was too much. Shinji quivered.

“No,” he finally admitted, both to Kaworu and himself. “I haven’t slept in three days, ever since school started. And I’m too much of a coward to take a sleeping pill. And I don’t want to go see a doctor because he’ll make me stay the night at a hospital and I hate hospitals.”

Great, now he was oversharing again; Kaworu didn’t ask for his damn sob story.

_Please don’t hate me._

“I’m sorry, I…I get really weird when I lack sleep. You should ignore me.”

He barely registered when a slender, warm hand covered his own. Strange, he expected Kaworu to be cold, seeing how pale he was.

“Your skin is really cold.”

A snicker escaped his lips. The first sign of insanity caused by insomnia, no doubt.

“And yours is really warm.”

The pale boy gave him a small smile, but his eyes still showed signs of uncertainty. Kaworu was too kind for his own good. Shinji didn’t deserve any of it.

“Yeah um, “ Shinji  began to explain clumsily after the silence got too long for his liking. “When you have insomnia your body gets affected. I feel cold when I don’t sleep.”  _And like I’m about to die any minute now._

“Isn’t it dangerous for the human body to be awake for so long?”

“Yes but…”

Long fingers abandoned their position on his hand in favour of moving to his forehead. Kaworu’s eyebrows furrowed in distress. “I think you have a fever.”

“Well yes, your body is more prone to illness if you don’t get enough sleep.” Shinji mumbled half-heartedly and shrugged before realising that probably wasn’t the smartest thing to say at the moment.

“Perhaps it would be more beneficial if you went home and try to get some sleep. I can inform the professor that you got ill.”

Shinji shook his head. “It wouldn’t matter. I can’t fall asleep during the day and Misato would freak if she found out I left school.”

“Would you like to come rest at my place after school?”

“H-huh?”

“Maybe the change of sleeping environment would help.” Kaworu explained. “My brother is not home this week and father is in Germany visiting our relatives. I can even leave the apartment and go to Rei’s place if you need to be completely alone. The windows in my room have pretty effective shutters so there won’t be any light that would disturb you.”

The offer was strangely tempting, even exciting. He hadn’t been invited to someone’s home since kindergarten, when his mother was still alive and well.  Shinji thought about it and - perhaps due to his currently sluggish brain - agreed.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.”

“You would never intrude.”

There it was again. That intimate look in Kaworu’s eyes that always caused an unfamiliar fluttering feeling in his chest. Shinji’s hands clenched around the fabric of his pants, face suddenly feeling noticeably warmer.

“O-okay. Thank you.”

Kaworu’s eyes were half lidded, fluffy head resting on his palm and a smile Shinji could only describe as playful planted on his lips. “No problem.”

They stayed like that for a few more moments until the relaxing bubble they found themselves in was broken by the school bell. However, Shinji’s good mood wasn’t ruined. Not even when their Math professor, Maya Ibuki, announced that today’s lesson would involve two sheets of algebra exercises. Nothing could ruin his mood.

Because today was the day he realised that Kaworu Nagisa truly cared about him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I'm currently on exchange in Portugal and my life is pretty busy.  
> By the way, I did a collab with Chusska this summer and she drew the scene from chapter one and I coloured it, To view click [here](http://avedraws.tumblr.com/post/125871371587/collab-with-the-lovely-chusska-3-she-did-the)  
> (And [here](http://chusska-art.tumblr.com/post/125870594274/kawoshin-collab-with-ave-she-did-the-lineart%C2%A0) is the part of the collab where I drew the lines and she coloured it. )  
> ALSO! Thank you all so much for all the comments on the previous chapter! ;w; I usually try to reply to all of the comments but as I said before: life is pretty busy for me right now.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently unbeta'd. This chapter is almost 7000 words long and I was thinking about splitting it into two.  
> But since you guys waited so long for an update I decided not to go with that plan. Have one long chapter instead! :)  
> UPDATE: Beta'd by the lovely [LifeinFanfiction](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LifeinFanfiction/profile)! :D

_“Hold on, you’re going where?”_

Shinji closed his eyes with a sigh. Really, he should’ve predicted Misato wouldn’t be thrilled by the idea of him not going straight to the apartment.

“I’m going to a friend’s house.” He mumbled into the phone, hand carefully shielding his mouth from the prying eyes of the people around him.

_“Uh-huh. And what’s this supposed friend’s name?”_

Shinji glanced at the silver haired boy who was currently occupied by offering a careful goodbye to an offended Asuka that just found out she wasn’t invited to tag along. That really must’ve put both of them on her bad side. Shinji feared to see what the consequences of this action will bear in the near future.

“His name’s Kaworu.”

_“Of course it is. Shinji, what did I tell you about lying?”_

“I’m not lying!” Raising his voice probably wasn’t the smartest choice considering he was surrounded by young people who were eager for juicy public drama. But his guardian had an incredible talent of pushing all the wrong buttons. He saw Asuka stop ranting for a second in favour of sending a dirty look his way.

 _“You can barely talk to Kaji and you’ve known him for months,”_  the older woman pointed out irritably.   _“What makes you think I’ll believe you made a friend within the span of three days?”_

He ignored the little remark, even if it was logical based on his past actions. “I thought this is what you wanted.” He hissed into the phone. “Don’t you want me to have friends?”

_“Yes, the ones that aren’t imaginary and an excuse for you to run away again.”_

“I’M NOT RUNNING AWAY!”

It was pure luck that Asuka and Kaworu were the only classmates among the people waiting at the bus station. If anyone else from his class witnessed this little outburst, he just might’ve had no choice but to run away for real. The mountains didn’t seem like such a bad place to live. Only having goats and birds for neighbours would be ideal for his living needs.

His shoulders sank when he caught the worried expression on Kaworu’s face. They sank even further when the redheaded girl beside him made a gesture which clearly implied she thought Shinji was insane. Well, she wasn’t entirely incorrect.

 _“Look,”_  Misato’s tone changed to one that resembled a doting parent who is trying to reason with their bratty 4-year-old.  _“Calm down. Don’t do anything rash. Please tell me where you are and I’ll come and get you.”_

“You’re t-treating me like your hostage and you want me to c-calm down!?” Angry tears began to form in the corners of his eyes so he quickly made them disappear with the back of his palm. Unfortunately, he wasn’t fast enough because red eyes already caught a glimpse of the watery evidence and their owner was heading his way. Crap.

Kaworu’s hand barely touched his back, but Shinji could sense every finger that made contact with his shirt. “Is everything okay?” the pale boy asked quietly.

He shook his head, eyes closed in fear of letting any more tears loose. The phone was clenched to his chest, Misato still on the line. He felt his whole body trembling.

“She doesn’t believe,” the answer was supposed to be delivered composedly, but it came out more like a broken choke. “That I’m going to your place. She thinks I’m running away.”  _Again._

The sudden realisation in Kaworu’s eyes somehow made him feel even worse. Perhaps the taller boy finally came to the rightful conclusion that Shinji was an unstable nutjob and was now thinking of a clever way to politely get rid of him.

“Let me talk to her.”

“Huh?”

“I can tell her who I am and where we’re headed to. That should be enough to make her stop worrying, no?”

It seemed so simple and sensible. But there was no way Misato would have a change of heart, even if Kaworu was much superior in the speaking department. Knowing his guardian, she’d just think the pale classmate was planning to kidnap him. And people thought  _he_  was the paranoid one.

But how much more dire can the situation get? It would still be smarter to let her know that a boy named Kaworu does, in fact, exist.

He looked down at the mobile device that was still clenched in his palm, slightly moist from sweat. Then back up, meeting his gaze with the pale boy’s.

The anxious boy bit his lip.

“Okay,” he mumbled reluctantly, offering his phone and hoping the other boy wouldn’t comment on the wetness.

He felt Kaworu’s thumb give him a comforting brush when the phone passed between their fingertips.  _Don’t worry, it’s going to be okay._

“Greetings.”

Shinji couldn’t make out what his guardian was saying but by the muffled angry tone of her voice he could easily imagine her displeasure of suddenly hearing someone other than him on the line. He felt bad for his classmate’s ears.

“This is Kaworu Nagisa speaking. I’m a friend of Shinji’s.” The pale boy replied into the phone smoothly, eyes still locked with Shinji’s. Kaworu could have an incredible career as a public speaker if he so desired, Shinji thought. Perhaps as a weatherman.

After his introduction, Kaworu stayed silent for a while, no doubt listening to one of Misato’s long rants. When he spoke again, his voice didn’t change. It stayed upbeat and polite, a voice of someone who had their life together and actually  _knew_  how to deal with things such as phone calls with angry military ladies. Someone Shinji could only aspire to be in about 70 years, if he’s lucky.

“I invited Shinji to study at my place after school. Our Math professor gave us quite a bit of homework. I hope that’s alright?” Shinji didn’t think a person like Kaworu was capable of producing a single lie, yet here he was doing exactly that. Did he lie often?

Did he ever lie to him?

Kaworu gave a nod into the phone and sent a thoughtful glance his way. “Of course.”  

The anxious boy watched as his classmate made a deal with Misato, seemingly without any kind of difficulty.

“She said she was going to pick you up around nine.” Kaworu said after he finished the phone call, returning the device with a smile.

Shinji quickly shoved it back into his bag, afraid that having a bad case of butterfingers would make him drop it otherwise. “T-Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

“Ugh, you guys are  _gross_ ,” came a voice behind them.

Right. Asuka was still observing the whole thing. Her nose was turned upwards, an expression of absolute disgust resting on her face.

Shinji shuddered, wondering what he ever did to deserve her hostile remarks. Then again, Asuka didn’t seem like she liked  _anyone._ Even Mari, who appeared to be her closest friend, was often on the receiving end of the red-head’s rage.

Luckily, the bus arrived only a few moments later, saving Shinji (and possibly Kaworu) from Asuka’s further insults.

The girl hurriedly stomped past them to get on the vehicle first, giving Shinji’s arm a hard shove in the process.

 

* * *

 

“She really hates me, doesn’t she?” Shinji murmured after about five minutes into the ride. Asuka was sitting 6 rows ahead of them, alone. No one dared to fill the sit next to her with that constant glare in her eyes.

The boy rubbed his arm self-consciously, still feeling a slight pain from the aggressive shove he received earlier.

“I don’t think so,” Kaworu said in a matter-of-factly, his stare focused on the girl as well. “Asuka is … a complicated person.”

_How can someone as kind as him be friends with that walking time-bomb?_

Shinji gave a slight nod, but didn’t really believe in Kaworu’s statement. There was something about Asuka’s behaviour that felt different from the usual hatred he was accustomed to.

He sighed and turned around to face the window, leaning his forehead against the slightly vibrating glass. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, trying to deal with the sudden realisation that yet another person apparently hated him simply for existing.

It wasn’t like Shinji wanted to be Asuka’s friend. Hell, he didn’t even really like her. But somehow the knowledge that she hated him still managed to cause a striking pain in his chest.

Why did so many people hate him anyway? What is it about his existence that is such a burden to everyone who ever meets him?

And if she despised him that much, there was a probability of … of Kaworu slowly distancing himself from him as well.

After all, Kaworu and Asuka were friends first. Possibly have been friends for a long time, seeing how she was the one to teach the pale boy how to play volleyball.

He didn’t want to lose his only friend.

Suddenly, a light weight covered his cold hand and a knee pressed against his own. He opened his eyes and saw Kaworu’s face turned his way in the window’s reflection.

Just as quickly as the hand came to gain his attention, it disappeared. As if Kaworu was afraid to let the touch linger for too long.

“You’re deep in thought.” It was a statement. “It seems to be troubling you.”

“It’s nothing,” Shinji said and looked down at his lap, fidgeting with his fingers. “Just thinking about stuff.”

“It does humanity no good to dwell on its worries and imperfections,” Kaworu said, still looking down at him when Shinji glanced up. “You’re a good person, Shinji Ikari. A beautiful soul. Don’t let the negativity take over your mind. “

_Wha -?!_

Shinji flushed three shades darker before spurting. “Why do you say such weird things?”

_A beautiful soul, huh?_

Who says something like  _that?!_

The classmate just tilted his head, which reminded Shinji of a curious cat. “I’m only speaking the truth. Do my words make you uncomfortable?”

“Not uncomfortable, just … surprised.” Shinji said, bringing up a hand to cover his cheeks, which were still red from embarrassment. “No one ever said something like that to me before.”

The truth was that he _liked_  the compliments, as strange and sudden as they were.

And, thanks to his silver-haired companion, he probably received more compliments in the last few days than in the entire 15 years of his existence.

Kaworu chuckled. “You are very endearing.”

Shinji huffed, but didn’t even try to stop the smile that spread across his lips, the previous Asuka-related worries forgotten.

 

* * *

 

The fact that Kaworu’s apartment resided on the first floor greatly pleased Shinji. He truly wasn’t a fan of walking through many stairs in order to get to his destination.

The building – and the whole neighbourhood for that matter – looked much nicer than where he lived. It seemed that his classmate’s family was rather wealthy.

His suspicion proved to be correct when Kaworu opened the door, revealing a beautiful modern room.

And that was only the  _hall._

The dining room was very clean and organised. Shinji’s gaze travelled from the blue vase, filled with white flowers to a painting that looked like it came from times of expressionism. And then an object he was most used to seeing in American movies caught his attention.

A wooden, ancient-looking cross. It popped out at the modern surroundings.

“My father is a very religious man.” The silver-haired classmate explained when he noticed Shinji staring at the Christian symbol.

“Your family is Christian?”

“My father’s side, yes.” Kaworu nodded as he started preparing tea. “He even named me and my siblings after the angels. Thankfully my mother didn’t allow him to make my first name an angel one. Therefore only my middle name suffers from that particular honour.”

A middle name? Fancy. Kaworu did seem like the kind of person who would have one, seeing how his whole being just radiated an aura of uniqueness. “What is it?”

“Tabris. The angel of free will, apparently.”

“Tabris …” Shinji repeated, experimenting how the letters rolled off his tongue. “It’s kind of nice.”

Kaworu hummed but didn’t shed any more words on the topic. Instead, he opened the upper drawer and pulled out a box of cookies.

“They go great with tea,” the silver-haired boy explained as he poured them on the plate. “You can sit by the way. Make yourself comfortable.”

Shinji followed the advice, slapping his ass down on the nearest chair beside the expensive-looking table. He watched Kaworu pour water in the electric water heater, internally questioning if he should offer to help. It was just tea, but he felt incredibly rude and useless simply sitting there doing nothing. It was not often that someone was doing something for him. When he still lived with his father he always cooked for himself while Gendo Ikari ate at fancy restaurants with his co-workers. And while Misato and Kaji tried their very best, they were busy people with busy jobs. He usually ended up being their personal chief.

“I only have two options when it comes to fruit tea. My family mostly drinks green and black tea but that’s not a good choice before sleep so – chamomile or forest fruit?”

“Um … y-you decide. I like both.”

“Hmm,” Kaworu looked at the tea bags in his palms thoughtfully. “I’ll mix them then. I think they’ll create a nice taste!”

Two minutes later the plate of cookies and tea was placed on the table. Kaworu sat on the opposite end, a mug of his own tea in his elegant hands. Shinji suspected the silver haired boy only made himself some to spare him the awkwardness of drinking it alone. Not that he wasn’t incredibly thankful for that.

“Careful,” the pale boy warned gently when Shinji reached for the galaxy decorated mug. “It’s still quite hot.”

Shinji nodded in acknowledgment and took a cookie so he had something to do while waiting for it to cool down.

He took a bite just as Kaworu looked at his beeping phone.

“A message from Asuka.” The silver-haired boy announced. “She’s apologising for pushing you earlier.”

Shinji swallowed the delicious contents and blinked in disbelief. That didn’t sound like the image of Asuka he created in his mind. “Really?”

“Yes. Observe.” Kaworu showed the phone screen.

**_tell stupid shinji I’m sorry for pushing his wimpy ass so he won’t cry_ **

Shinji’s left eye twitched. “Lovely.”

“Don’t mind the remarks.” Kaworu said. “I think she likes you. She rarely apologises, so she truly must feel bad.”

“If you say so…” Shinji mumbled, not really believing it. He reached for another cookie. “These are really good, are they homemade?”

“Yes! My brother likes to bake.” The pale boy beamed. He seemed to be really fond of his brother. “He’s teaching me now, but I’m not a very talented baker or cook.”

Kaworu not being naturally good at something was difficult to imagine.  He was probably one of those people who just thought they were bad at something because they had such high standards. When in reality they were average or good and made mere mortals such as Shinji frustrated at their own incapacity.

“I’m sure you’re not as bad as you think you are.”

“Oh no, I burned many dishes in my attempts to produce a half-decent meal.” Kaworu said solemnly. “But Sachiel is most patient with me. Do you cook, Shinji?”

“Yeah. I cook a lot, actually.”

“That’s amazing!” Kaworu looked at him like he was something out of this world. “You must be a wonderful cook.”

Shinji slid down the chair in embarrassment.  “I w-wouldn’t know about that. Misato likes my food, but she doesn’t really have high standards so...” His guardian thought cheap ramen accompanied with a can of beer was a meal made in heaven. Shinji often wondered how she survived before meeting Kaji.

“I wish I could taste your cooking one day.” Kaworu said, a wishful expression on his face.

“It’s really nothing special,” Shinji mumbled, already knowing he would cook anything Kaworu desired. He took a sip from the mug.

“It would be special if it came from you.”

He almost spit the tea all over himself and flushed like a fire truck.

“You’re doing it  _again_.”

“Doing what?”

“Saying weird stuff.” Shinji accused. Kaworu’s words triggered all kinds of odd sensations in his stomach.

The other boy’s expression fell a bit, and Shinji immediately regretted voicing his thoughts out loud.

“Ah, forgive me. I’ve been told I’m too forward with my choice of words before.” Kaworu apologised, resembling a kicked puppy.

“N-no it’s okay! It’s probably just me who’s weird! I uh … don’t really talk to people often.” He hurriedly tried to fix the damage. “Besides, by weird I don’t necessary mean  _bad._ ” He was quite positive the strange feelings he was experiencing weren’t bad. “Just unusual.”

The smile on Kaworu’s lips returned.

 

* * *

 

After their little tea party, the pale boy finally led him to his room.

Because the rest of the apartment was so clean and organised, Shinji naturally expected Kaworu’s room to be in the same condition. And Kaworu himself looked like someone who would fit right into an 18th century style room, like one you’d see in a magazine.

Oh was he wrong.

To be fair, it wasn’t like the room was dirty or anywhere near as messy as Misato’s living environment. But calling it organised would be a joke.

It was absolutely horded with things.

While nothing was exactly  _messy_ , per say, most of the things in the room looked out of place. As if the pale classmate just collected every single object that crossed his path.

Sure, it was nicely placed and cared-for junk. But that didn’t stop the fact that it was still –mostly -  _junk._ Things Shinji would throw out without a second thought if it were his room.

Then again, Shinji’s room almost looked not lived in. Partly because he liked a clean space that was filled with only essentials for living, and party because he never really had many things to begin with. It used to be even worse back when he still lived with his father.

However, the oddest part about Kaworu’s room was the fact that Shinji didn’t mind it. At all.

He didn’t mind the almost completely picture and poster covered wall or the cutesy stickers on random objects such as the lamp and drawers. Nor the shelf that had a collection of strange-looking rocks and feathers (which, he suspected, belonged to city pigeons).

When he looked up he noticed that even the ceiling didn’t escape Kaworu’s creative decorating. It was covered in glow-in-the-dark stars. Something people normally grow out of when they enter the wonders of adolescence. There was also a dream catcher that hovered over the French-sized bed.

“I’ll go get you some spare clothes to sleep in.” Kaworu interrupted his inspection session. “The school uniform is not a very comfortable attire for resting.”

“Oh, you don’t have to –“

“It’s okay. I want to.” Kaworu said with a chuckle and made his way to the drawers.

Shinji nodded and took a few steps forward, arriving to what appeared to be Kaworu’s working space. On the left surface of the desk there were a few books and a neat pile of music sheets. While a laptop occupied the opposite site. The wall behind the desk was filled with photographs.

Most of them were photos of nature and cities but there were a few with people in them as well. A picture with a young Kaworu sitting on a tall man’s shoulders captured his interest.

Unlike Kaworu, who was laughing, the pale raven-haired man looked expressionless, dark circles under his eyes making him appear downright creepy. His eyes were a dark colour and he was sporting a long pointy nose. The attire he wore consisted of a black suit with white shoulder pads, complete with a red tie.

“Who’s that?” Shinji asked out of genuine curiosity, pointing at the picture. The man seemed a tad too young to be a father of a ten year old.

“That’s my dear brother Sachiel.” Kaworu answered, already holding spare clothes in his arms. He joined Shinji’s side and observed the picture fondly. “He always looks like that. Not very good with facial expressions, the poor thing. But he was actually very happy when this picture was taken.”

Apart from the pale complexion – and even there Kaworu looked paler- they didn’t seem all that similar. But Shinji thought it would be rude to point that out.

As if reading his thoughts, Kaworu opened his mouth to address them. “He’s my half-brother actually. We don’t share the same mother, in case you’re wondering why he looks nothing like me.”

The silver-haired boy didn’t seem at all upset about sharing that kind of information. In fact, he spoke about it as if it was a completely casual topic.

But even so, Shinji didn’t want to dwell on any topic that could be sensitive and potentially bring back bad memories.

He looked at the picture under it. It was a photograph of a boy and a girl, who couldn’t be older than six, holding hands. Little Kaworu was sporting a toothy grin, while the girl’s expression resembled Sachiel’s.

“Is that you and Rei?”

“It is.”

“So you guys have naturally grey hair?”

“Oh yes. Rei doesn’t like it, however. A lot of children used to make fun of us, calling us grandparents. That’s the reason she dyes it blue now, and is most sensitive about it.” Kaworu explained, reaching out and brushing a finger across little Rei’s head. “Many people, including my father, urge me to dye mine as well.”

“I like your hair!” Shinji blurred out without thinking. “I uh … I think it’s unique!”

Kaworu fell silent, and for a split second Shinji thought he said something wrong. He was already preparing an awkward apology when –

“You do?” Kaworu looked bewildered. He slipped a hand through his messy silver locks, an almost shy smile appearing on his lips. “Thank you. That’s very kind of you to say.”

“Well,” Shinji suddenly felt brave, heart beating fast from the rush of adrenaline. “I’m only speaking the truth. I think your hair’s nice. People who think otherwise must be dumb not to see it.”

He also felt anger directed at the people who made Kaworu question himself. Kaworu, who was so beautiful inside and out. He should be aware of that beauty.

_Ugh, I sound like my therapist._

The smile on Kaworu’s face turned into a full-on grin.

 _His teeth are perfect,_  Shinji thought. One would expect they’d appear more yellow because of his almost white skin. But no, they were nearly photoshop-level white and straight. His classmate could easily star in toothbrush commercials.

“I recommend you change now. Wouldn’t want to waste your resting time,”  Kaworu pointed out, offering the clothes. Shinji’s gaze travelled back to meet the pale boy’s, realising he’s been staring at Kaworu’s mouth – admiring  _teeth_  of all things - for a good few seconds now.

“You’re right,” he took the offered attire, bringing it up to his chest with a “thanks.” It smelled like Kaworu, an aroma that Shinji found particularly relaxing. He made a mental note to ask what kind of cleaning products the pale boy uses.

Said boy politely turned around, sparing Shinji some privacy for undressing.

“What do you usually do to help you fall asleep?” he asked, still facing the wall.

“I listen to music on my Walkman.” Shinji answered, pulling Kaworu’s t-shirt over his torso. It had little cartoony cats on it. “But lately that doesn’t seem to work anymore. The pressure of earbuds bothers me and I can’t listen to music out loud because of the neighbours.”

“Hmmm,” Kaworu thought for a moment. “Would you like me to play something?”

“You have your instruments here?” Shinji asked, now fully dressed. He didn’t notice any pianos or violin cases when he entered the room.

“I do. Are you decent?”

“Yeah.”

Kaworu turned to face him again. “I’m not very confident in my piano playing skills yet, but I can play the violin for you.”

Shinji looked around once more. “Where’s the piano anyway?” Kaworu’s room was not that big.

“Here.” Kaworu stepped towards the window where a pile of laundry was gathered. He collected the massive pile into his arms, revealing a synthesizer. He then dropped the clothes onto the chair in front of it carelessly.

The tiny clean freak part of Shinji shuddered and he barely stopped himself from folding the offending sight.

He stepped beside the piano instead, gently sliding a finger over the keyboard.

“I’m going to join the music club too.” Shinji said, finally making up his mind. The intense wish to learn piano gave him a goal, a sense of purpose. And even though the mere thought of having long private lessons with a new teacher terrified him, the desire to learn the instrument won.

“That’s great! I’m sure you’ll do fantastically.” Kaworu cheerily encouraged.

 _Not as fantastically as you._  Shinji hadn’t even heard Kaworu play yet, but something in his gut told him it was equally amazing as the pale boy’s killer volleyball skills.

“I’ll pull down the shutters.” Kaworu informed him. “You can go lie down and relax.”

Shinji did as he was ordered, feeling a bit strange for slipping under the thick covers that belonged to someone else.

If the borrowed clothes smelled like Kaworu then the bed was bathed in the aroma. It felt very personal, like the other boy left his presence in it. Like he was in bed with him.

Shinji pulled the covers up to his nose to hide the blush. Now  _he_  was the one with weird thoughts.

He watched as his classmate turned on the small lamp on his desk and pulled down the shutters. The stars on the ceiling started giving off a weak glow.

“I’ll need a little bit of light to play, is that alright with you?” Kaworu asked, pointing at the lamp. “I’ll shut it down immediately when you fall asleep.”

 _If I fall asleep_. Shinji really hoped he would. Kaworu was making such an effort for him, he felt he’d disappoint him if it was for nothing.

_Damn you, insomnia._

“Yeah.” Shinji answered, rolling on his side and facing his classmate. “It’s not a problem. Thank you for doing this.”

“Don’t thank me yet.” Kaworu smiled, pulling a violin case from the depths of his wardrobe. “Anything in particular that you would like to hear?”

“I find Bach the most relaxing,” Shinji said thoughtfully before quickly adding “But uh, I’m really f-fine with anything you play!”

The pale boy already had the brilliant instrument in his hands. “Excellent choice! My personal favourite is Beethoven, but Bach is a very close second.” He positioned the violin on his shoulder.

Shinji held a little breath in anticipation. The fact that Kaworu didn’t put any notes in front of him didn’t go unnoticed.

_He’s going to play from memory._

The slender arm started moving and Shinji immediately recognized the tunes of Air on the G String.

The silver-haired boy closed his eyes, his whole body gently swaying to the melody as he played.

_Kaworu’s amazing._

He wished more than anything that he could play the cello beside him. It was a beloved melody he himself played many times before.

Shinji closed his heavy eyelids, letting himself be taken by the music.

 

* * *

 

Kaworu was in the middle of Jesus bleibet meine Freude when Shinji’s soft snores reached his ears.

_How cute._

He continued playing, closely observing his friend’s sleeping face for any signs of awakening.

Shinji’s face was even more adorable when it was relaxed with sleep, Kaworu noted. There were no signs of constant stress and worry that the boy always wore in school.

Kaworu wished he could witness his face relaxed like this more often.

When he finished playing he turned off the light as promised and quietly left the room, but not before sneaking one last glance at the pretty slumbering boy in his bed.

He decided to spend the time waiting by actually doing the homework they were assigned that day. He made his way to the living room.

Two hours passed when the bell rang and Kaworu quickly jumped to his feet, not wanting the ringing to wake up his sleeping friend. He hurriedly tiptoed to the door, glad his blue-haired cousin taught him the art of sneaking around. Rei was a true master when it came to moving around without making a single sound.

As soon as he opened the door Kaworu was met with a sight of a rather intimidating young woman. She didn’t look all too joyful. “Good day, ma'am. How may I help you?”

“So you’re Kaworu, huh?”

The purple haired woman was giving him a look of scepticism, one he was most used to detecting on Asuka’s face.

“I am.” He closed the door so the noise they were making wouldn’t escape into the apartment.

“Where’s Shinji?” her tone was unnecessarily aggressive, as if she was here to interrogate him. Perhaps she was. But Kaworu was not one to be easily intimidated by people, seeing how most of his family consisted of some rather frightening individuals.

Kaworu gave her the politest smile his facial muscles were capable of producing, yet kept the tone of his voice confident. “Sleeping. It would be best if you didn’t disturb him at the moment, he requires the rest.”

The woman took a step forward. “And I should just take your word for it? For all I know he could already be in another city while you cover for him.”

“I’m not lying. I simply care for his wellbeing.” Kaworu answered calmly, not moving from his position for even a centimetre.

Misato’s eyes narrowed in obvious suspicion.

“Did he pay you to cover for him?”

It suddenly became crystal clear to Kaworu why his anxious friend had such a difficult time at expressing himself. Having someone question your every move and treating you like a ticking time bomb wasn’t exactly the best thing for one’s psyche. Especially if you already suffered from a nasty thing like anxiety. And who knows what other problems his friend might be hiding underneath that lovely shy smile.

“If you want to see him, you have to promise to be quiet.”

“Who do you think you are?” Misato sent him an outraged glare which he returned with a serene stare. “I don’t need to take orders from you. I’m here to get my son.”

“Ma'am, I have no doubts that you care for your son deeply. But If I may; it seems to me that your pride is intervening with decisions that would be most beneficial for Shinji.

Shinji’s guardian gave him a perplexed look, mouth halfway opened in an attempt to scold him for his unacceptable behaviour. But no words came out.

“You have some nerve, kid.” She finally said after a long moment of silence.  

Kaworu just gave her a friendly smile and gently opened the door.

“Would you like a refreshment while we wait for Shinji to wake up?” A peace offer.

The woman gave him another “you are so strange” look that Kaworu was so used to receiving from pretty much anyone who ever met him, but lowered her guard. “Beer, if you have it.”

“Of course. Follow me,” the silver haired boy said. “Quietly.” He added when he caught the sight of the woman’s high heels.

 

* * *

 

“I don’t think I’ve introduced myself yet.” The woman grumbled when Kaworu handed her a can of promised beer. They were sitting on the balcony, facing each other. The chill autumn air perfectly fit the current mood. “I’m Misato Katsuragi.”

“Pleased to meet you, Ms Katsuragi.”

She opened the beer with a pop. “Where are your parents?”

“My father is in Germany, visiting relatives and my brother is on a business trip.” Kaworu answered. “I’m by myself until Sunday”

The purple-haired woman blinked. “And they don’t send anyone to check in on you?”

“No. My brother texts me every now and then, however.”

“Huh. Interesting.” Ms Katsuragi eyed the beer in her hand with wary expression and looked back at him.

Somehow Kaworu had a feeling she didn’t approve. She was likely under the impression that he was drinking alcohol while unsupervised.

He was honestly a bit offended by that.

“You must think I’m a terrible parent,” Misato suddenly said out of nowhere.

It was Kaworu’s turn to blink in confusion. “I do not.”

“He ran away twice you know,” the older woman said with a sigh and took a sip of his brother’s favourite beer before continuing. “I didn’t used to be so hard on him. I let him do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. But it’s been proven that giving him a lot of freedom only brings more trouble. I worry he’ll do something stupid. And I would never forgive myself if that happened.”

Kaworu stayed silent, giving her space to speak out her mind. It seemed Ms Katsuragi had a lot of thoughts had been bottling up for quite some time.

“I’m on his side, yet he treats me as if I were the enemy.” The last sentence was quiet, insecure, not at all sounding like it came from the intimidating woman who rang his bell mere minutes ago.

“I think you just need to give him more freedom again,” Kaworu started carefully. “I understand your concerns given Shinji’s past actions, but having complete control over him is not a wise way to deal with the problem at hand either. There must be a healthy middle between freedom and restriction. Show you care about him, but not in an overly controlling manner.”

The purple haired woman didn’t object. She took another sip from the can and looked over the city lights, appearing deep in thought. But Kaworu knew she was still paying attention.

“From personal experience I can tell you that complete freedom also sometimes makes one feel like the parental figure does not care for them. Before my brother Sachiel moved here with us I had complete freedom over everything. My father never gave me much attention – perhaps out of guilt, since I’m the cause for his failed marriage of 20 years – and it made me feel unloved,” he finished, hoping his words came through.

“You talk like some kind of wise old man.”  _They did._  “Maybe that’s why your hair is that colour.”

Kaworu didn’t try to suppress a chuckle. “Perhaps you’re right.”

 

* * *

 

Misato decided this pale kid with weird hair and eyes was an ok fellow. He was strange, but he was also kind and polite and most importantly, he seemed very eager to help Shinji in any way he could. 

 _And fuck, is the kid gorgeous,_  Misato thought objectively. Apparently his mother used to be a model and his German father (referred to as “Adam”) had an affair with her, even though he was a married man with shit-tons of brats already, or so the pale boy told her. Must be tough being a bastard child and having pretty much all but one of your half-siblings hate your guts.

_Shinji sure knows how to pick ‘em._

It was about 40 minutes in their conversation when they heard a sleepy voice from the living room.

“Kaworu? Are you here?”

“Ah, it seems that the sleeping beauty has awakened,” Misato laughed, feeling in a much lighter mood. This Nagisa kid really had a pleasant aura around him. No wonder he ended up being Shinji’s friend.

“I hope he managed to get some sleep.” The pale boy murmured and got up. Was that affection in his voice?

Misato watched as Nagisa hurriedly approached Shinji who appeared in front of the glass doors that lead to the balcony. His dark hair was all messed up and he was rubbing the last traces of sleep from his eyes.

And those were most definitely not the clothes he wore when he left for school that morning, Misato noted.

“Have you slept well?” the pale boy asked softly as he brushed down a particularly stubborn lock on the other boy’s head. It surprised Misato how Shinji didn’t even flinch at the contact like he normally would. What kind of dark magic does this Nagisa kid possess? She was kind of jealous.

Shinji nodded and let out a small smile. “Thank you. It r-really helped me a lot.”

“I’m glad.”

He didn’t even notice her! He was too busy having a rather dreamy staring competition with their teenage heartthrob of a host. Misato cleared her throat.

Shinji’s reaction was hilarious. He jumped – almost bumping heads with Nagisa because they were standing so close- and looked at her like he’d seen a ghost. 

“Misato! You’re here already?”

“Yeah.” She stood up and crossed her arms, but wore an amused smile on her face. ”I’m sorry to be disturbing your romance session, but we gotta go. Kaji made dinner and school’s tomorrow.”

Shinji flushed and started spluttering something about her being wrong while Nagisa simply smiled.

“I’ll escort you to the exit then. Ah, let me get you your bag and clothes first.”

Shinji looked down at his borrowed shirt and pants. “Should I change?”

“That won’t be necessary. You can return the clothes next time you come here.”  

Misato didn’t fail to notice how bright Shinji’s eyes became at the possibility of another visit.

The kids went to Nagisa’s room to get Shinji’s stuff while Misato texted Ritsuko, informing her of Shinji’s unbelievably quick progress. When they returned, they were glued to the hip and stayed that way all through the short journey to the front door.

Misato successfully unglued them.

“Thanks for having us. You’re a good kid.” She patted Kaworu’s shoulder. “Keep an eye out for Shinji will you? Trouble always seems to find him.”

“Misato!” Shinji let out an annoyed whine. Probably embarrassed about her making him look uncool in front of Nagisa. Oh to be young again.

“It was my pleasure,” the handsome boy said before directing his attention back to Shinji. “I do hope you return to visit again. I can show you some piano basics.”

Shinji smiled again, and Misato wondered if she should hire Nagisa to be his personal nanny. He seemed to be doing a much better job than her at keeping Shinji happy.  At the very least he should let her know his secret techniques so she can try them too.

But something told her that she would need to be a good-looking teenage boy for them to work.

“I would like that.” The boy said shyly,  _still_ smiling. This must be a new record.

“Alright boys. Say your goodbyes, we need to go.” Misato urged, hoping her boyfriend wouldn’t scold her for being so late. They were supposed to be back an hour ago.

“Bye,” Shinji gave a small wave.

“Goodnight, Shinji. I’ll see you tomorrow.” The pale boy wished warmly.

 

* * *

 

“You should invite your friend over sometime,” Misato expressed her thoughts out loud once they went on the road. She saw Shinji look up from his phone and flush in the rear-mirror.

“Why?”

“He seems nice. And you visited his place,”  _well more like slept in his bed._  “Only seems fair he visits yours.”

“I would’ve, if we didn’t live in a pig parlour.” Seems like the energy he gained from that nap gave him back some of the sass and sarcasm that came to the surface whenever he was either relaxed or angry. And it was usually used to insult her cleaning and cooking skills.

“He’s a teenage boy, Shinji. I don’t think he cares how our apartment looks like. I’m sure the only reason his is so clean is because they have a maid or something. By the looks of the furniture in that place his folk must be loaded.”  

“Or maybe some people actually clean their living environment,” Shinji said dryly.

Misato made a left turn and let out a dramatic sigh. “You’re a real bully, Shinji! Anyway, it was just a suggestion. It’s up to you, but I’m just letting you know it’s okay if you have your friends over.”

They drove a bit in silence after that. It wasn’t until they were passing her favourite shop that Shinji let out a quiet sound. One she would’ve easily missed if the radio was on. “Thank you.”

Misato smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big brother Sachiel will appear in flesh soon ~ I’ve been writing this chapter little by little for months, I hope it paid off. It’s the longest chapter I’ve written in my life, and longer than most school essays l-lol. By the way, how would you guys feel if I changed this to an M rating? Please let me know! (There wouldn’t be any hardcore sexual themes or anything, just normal teenage stuff that’s a bit more than just kissing.) Also this chapter has Kaworu’s and Misato’s POV too, I hope I didn’t mess up their characters too badly. Kaworu remains the hardest character to write because he’s human here.
> 
>  
> 
> <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1ByRGNIpFA>
> 
>  
> 
> – if you want to see and hear how I imagine Kaworu playing Air on G


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short but needed chapter to get the plot going. I apologise for any weird sentences and mistakes, I'm a bit rusty. (The rating change has no effect on this chapter.)  
> UPDATE: Beta'd by the lovely [LifeinFanfiction](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LifeinFanfiction/profile)! :D

The next few days went by as peacefully as Kaji on his days off. Shinji found himself in the inner circle of Kaworu’s friends who apparently made it their new mission to surround him (Mari and Kaworu being the most focused on this task) every break, before Touji or Kensuke could even get the chance to approach him.

Surprisingly, Shinji did not mind that one bit. Sure, he thought both boys were generally nice fellows, but he just couldn’t help but feel intimidated and constantly stressed in their company.

Especially considering Touji kept trying to bring up the silver-haired boy as the main topic of discussion in  _every single conversation_. These conversations were certainly not filled with positivity or compliments. Shinji dreaded every time the name “Nagisa” left the tall boy’s lips.

Luckily, Shinji managed to escape those kinds of situations before the criminal activity could’ve been forced upon him. Because talking shit behind Kaworu’s back was definitely a severe crime in Shinji’s book.

Speaking of Kaworu.

How can you tell someone that their piece of clothing helps you sleep at night? That’s just  _weird._

No, not weird. Weird would be if he acted like Ayanami or Misato on her third beer. The right word to describe Shinji’s behaviour was  _creepy._

The boy shifted on his bed uncomfortably and looked at the shirt in his palms.

_I’m a creep._

Shinji buried his nose in the fabric and inhaled. The faint fluttering feeling in his stomach made its reappearance.

_I don’t deserve to be Kaworu’s friend. I don’t even deserve to be his classmate._

But he just couldn’t stop. The shirt was like a replacement for the sleeping pills he was too afraid to take. Kaworu and his strange addicting aroma helped him more than his therapist ever did - Shinji should start paying  _him._

Someone knocked on the door and the boy immediately sat up, hastily hiding the shirt under his pillow.

“Yes?” Shinji answered, voice a pitch higher than usual.

Misato barged in, already dressed in her sleeping attire. She looked around the room and frowned.

“You didn’t give me your laundry yet. You never miss laundry; you’re the one that reminds  _me_.”

It seems that after two days of missing the original laundry washing date his guardian finally noticed her smelly socks. Or perhaps was Kaji who pointed it out. After all, the guy has to sleep with Misato every night.

Shinji bit his lip.

Giving her the laundry would also mean giving away the only thing that was keeping him sane. However, Misato couldn’t possibly know that. And Shinji had no plans of telling her.

Plus, Kaworu will want his clothes back eventually. It’s been a whole week since he’s been at the silver-haired boy’s apartment.

“You’ll need fresh clothes, that school trip is coming up.” Misato informed him as she stepped to the basket with dirty clothes and started looking through them.

Shinji felt his blood turn ice cold.

“What?” He completely forgot about the trip. In all honestly, forgetting was his way of coping with the problem. And because his favourite strategy was to turn a blind eye to any problem that crossed his sad path, Shinji didn’t spare one glance at the words on the form when Ms Akagi handed it to him.

But he naturally assumed the trip would be some day in  _spring._ That’s when school trips usually happen, right?  It was not even winter yet!

“Why are you so surprised? Did you even skim the application form before handing it back to Ritsuko?” Misato raised her eyebrows. “The trip’s on Monday.”

“That’s in two days!“ Shinji squeaked in distress.

“Well yes. You would’ve known that if you read the paper.”

“Why didn’t you remind me?!” Shinji almost shouted, completely ignoring the fact that this really was his own fault.

Misato’s cheeks turned darker. “Well err, I kind of forgot too. I have a job, okay! Ritsuko called just now to remind  _me._ ”

So  _that’s_  why Misato remembered to do laundry.

He buried his head into the pillow to prevent a scream from escaping.

“Hey now, it’s not that bad! Ritsuko said she put you in the room with Kaworu and those other two boys you apparently hang around with.” Misato said in a weak attempt to pull him out of his misery.

Shinji lifted his head from the pillow, a mortified expression on his face. “You mean Touji and Kensuke?”

“I think those are the two, yes. By the way, you never mentioned you have other friends! That’s really good; I was under impression you just followed that pretty boy around all day.” Misato smiled and took the basket up in her arms.

Touji, Kensuke and Kaworu in the room.  _Together._

Oh boy.

Oh _fuck._

“Speaking of Nagisa, where are the clothes he landed you? It’s rude to keep him waiting this long, you know.“

Shinji’s head was spinning. Can this evening get any worse? He could barely handle the trip itself, then the sleeping arrangements for the trip were revealed and now Misato confronted him about Kaworu’s clothes.

He couldn’t handle this right now.

Suddenly Shinji felt the familiar hot striking pain in his chest. He gasped and clutched his heart area.

“Shinji?”

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t  _breathe._

As soon as Misato noticed the struggling gasps, she immediately dropped the basket and ran up to him.

“Shinji, it’s okay! Calm down, you’re not experiencing a heart attack!” She put her hands on his shoulders before Shinji managed to curl up in a ball.

It felt so much like one. One day, if he lives that long, Shinji will be old and won’t know the difference between an anxiety attack and a heart attack. That day will be fatal.

“Stop thinking bad thoughts! I know you are!” Misato cupped his checks and turned his head upwards, forcing Shinji to look into her eyes.

What if this  _is_  a heart attack? With every small breath, Shinji could feel an invisible knife being pushed into his heart, a pain that just wouldn’t let go. It hurt to breathe so much he was shaking.

Maybe he should stop trying to. Then he won’t need to deal with any more problems. He won’t be a pathetic bother to Misato and Kaji anymore.

Or to Kaworu.

“You’re going to be fine. Breathe slowly.” Misato ordered, trying to remain calm herself.

No. He’s not going to be  _fine._ Kaworu will hate him when this trip ends, Touji and Kensuke will make sure of that.

 _If he doesn’t despise you already for keeping his clothes hostage and rubbing your face into them like a five-year old_ , a voice that sounded a lot like his father’s reminded him.

Shinji slapped Misato’s hands away and curled up into a foetal position, still clutching his heart as if he wanted to rip it out. He tried to take careful slow breaths, reminding himself that it was only an anxiety attack. He wasn’t going to die.

Not today anyway.

A trembling hand reached under the cushion and pulled out the incriminating piece of clothing that helped him calm down the past few nights. The fact that he just revealed his dirty secret to the older woman didn’t even cross Shinji’s mind.

The shaking boy clutched the shirt close to his face and closed his eyes, trying to prevent tears from soaking into it. He took a slow breath in, doing his best to ignore the pain that came with this action.  

 _Think about something happy or stop thinking altogether_ , Shinji told himself.

The soft embrace of mother’s arms.

_Inhale._

The feeling of sand under his toddler feet as Yui Ikari laughed and pulled him closer to the sea.

_Exhale._

Bright summer sun that warmed his cheeks as he smiled up at the sky without a care in the world.

_Inhale._

Red eyes that were full of kindness and understanding.  

_Exhale._

“Shinji?”

Misato was looking at him in worry but made no attempts to touch him again.

“Do you feel better now?” his guardian asked carefully.

The pain was still there, but only barely. Shinji loosened his grip on the shirt and slowly sat up. His gaze slipped back to the fabric in his hand.

“…Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so busy with school and my graduation work (which I'm going to be working on the next few months). But I think I'll be able to put chapters out more quickly now! Thank you for all the feedback!! <3 It always motivates me so much to write more. ;w; 
> 
> I changed the rating to M because there will be some mature themes in the future. I'm someone who headcanons Shinji as a pretty sexual person, but the M rating is not there for sensless smut. It's more about discovering sexuality ... so those of you who are only here for the story and fluff fear not! There won't be any hardcore smut (that's why it's M not E) but there will be stuff beyond kissing. Feel free to skip those scenes if this isn't your cup of tea.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the wait & enjoy! :)  
> UPDATE: Beta'd by the lovely [LifeinFanfiction](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LifeinFanfiction/profile)! :D

The day of the departure was a particularly cold morning. For once, the chilling atmosphere was not only coming from the gripping fear in Shinji’s chest. By the looks of it, his classmates were feeling it too. Well, everyone except Rei. The blue haired girl was dressed in a thin white shirt and paid no attention to the cold.

Mari seemed to be the one suffering the most.

“When are we leaving?” she complained loudly, rubbing her palms together in an attempt to warm herself up. “Why are we always waiting for someone? People should learn to come on time!”

The person keeping them waiting was no other than Kaworu.

They were supposed to be on the road 15 minutes ago. All three classes in their year were already gathered in front of the two buses and students were growing more and more impatient by the minute. Shinji could hear Touji’s loud voice echoing in the back: “It’s always  _Nagisa_  isn’t it? Someone buy that guy a clock already!”

Meanwhile, Shinji was silently planning an escape in case his silver-haired friend didn’t make it on time.

By the subtle glances Ms Akagi was sending his way, his professor sensed his distress. It might just be his paranoia, but Shinji had a growing suspicion that he was the sole reason they were still waiting for Kaworu. Misato and Ritsuko were close friends; his guardian must’ve mentioned the friendship between him and the missing boy. That friendship was the only reason Shinji was here willingly, without kicking and screaming.

“Hey,” Mari nudged him in the arm. “Heard anything from our moon prince yet? He’s not responding to mine or Asuka’s texts at all!”

“No,” Shinji mumbled. The phone in his pocket had been worryingly quiet all morning.

“Maybe his old man is back from Germany,” Asuka suggested, aggressively tapping the screen on her phone. “Fuck!” The screen showed a bright  _“you lose”_. “I hate this game!”

“Language, Langley,” Their professor ordered without any real ire. Ms Akagi gave the watch on her wrist another glance before folding her arms with a sigh.

Kaworu’s father? Even if that were the case, why would he keep his son away from the trip? Shinji’s own father would be more than pleased to get rid of him, if only for a few days.

Well. Now he had gotten rid of him forever.

“Adam is not back yet,” Rei said in a matter-of-factly tone without sparing them a glance. It was her first sentence of the day and probably the last.

Asuka huffed at her. “How do you not know where your own cousin is?”

The blue-haired girl ignored her.

“Ritsuko,” their Math professor approached her blonde co-worker nervously. “We need to go. The drivers have other jobs after they drop us off and we have a lunch scheduled at the hotel.”

Shinji’s heart sank. The atmosphere had just gotten ten times colder.

“Maya,” Ms Akagi looked at her, clearly trying hard to keep her cool. “We can’t leave without one of our students.”

“Nagisa is probably sick and forgot to call in,” professor Ibuki tried to reason.

“Nagisa always calls when he’s actually ill on a trip.  Or his brother does. He’s definitely coming.”

“But – “

“I SEE HIM!” Mari suddenly shouted and started jumping up at down, signalling their location to the running boy, “Over here, Kaworu!”

“Where the fuck were you?!” Asuka joined her friend’s yelling.

“Language!” both teachers shrieked in union.

Kaworu was running at an impressive speed, his cheeks a soft shade of pink. How he managed to run that fast while clutching a big travelling bag to his chest remained a mystery to Shinji.

Just like that, the crippling fear loosened its grip on Shinji’s heart.

The running boy stopped in front of their little group and dropped the bag to the floor while trying to catch his breath.

“…I apologise,” Kaworu gasped for air as he wiped the sweat from his pale forehead. “…for being so late.”

Loud groans of “finally!” and “about time!” were heard from the other students.

“Just get your bag with the others.” Ms Akagi said, rubbing her forehead with a tired expression on her face. Kaworu let himself be pushed in the right direction by Asuka. He sent Shinji a small apologetic smile as he passed him to take care of the bag.

“Alright students!” Professor Maya announced. “You may go on the bus! One by one, no pushing! This isn’t kindergarten Kensuke!”

The professor’s order went ignored as everyone ran to the door, desperate to get good seats.

“I call shotgun in the back!” yelled Touji, giving Asuka a dirty glare in the process.

“No you don’t, we’re sitting there!” the girl bit back, trying to race him.

Shinji stood in the back of the poor excuse of a line, too tired to join the battle.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” a soft voice murmured behind him. Shinji didn’t even flinch.

“It’s alright,” he said, looking up at his pale friend who moved to his left side. “I’m glad you made it.”

He wanted to ask Kaworu why he was late but didn’t dare to. This was not the first time the silver-haired boy had arrived later than expected. If Kaworu wanted to tell him, he will.

Nevertheless, that did not stop his itching curiosity.

 

* * *

 

The one who won the battle for the back seats was Rei, with a little help from Asuka and Mari. The back row seats were therefore taken over by them and Hikari, who was allowed to join their little group.

Shinji and Kaworu were immediately banished for being boys.

“We’re going to have some girl talk,” Mari explained.

“Go away,” added Asuka.

“Sorry,” Hikari offered them an apologetic smile.

“It’s alright. Shinji, I think there are still free seats in the front,” Kaworu said, turning around to walk back to the front.

_Next to the professors._

No one wanted to sit next to the professors. It was completely uncool and annoying because you could not secretly eat snacks and talk shit about them.

Which, Shinji thought, was perfect because all the assholes stayed far away.

“Yeah,” he agreed, following his pale companion.

They sat down behind Ms Akagi and Ms Ibuki, Shinji once again taking the seat next to the window. He was just about to pull out his Walkman when the blonde woman turned around, peeking through the small opening between seats. A smile spread across her lips when she saw who was behind her.

“Thank goodness! Maya look; we have quiet students sitting behind us this time! Now I can actually look forward to a peaceful ride.”

Shinji flushed in embarrassment and shifted his gaze to the window. However, Misato’s friend continued the one-sided conversation.

“Last trip Langley and Ayanami were sitting behind us. And behind them Suzuhara and Aida, so you can imagine how well that ride went.”

“Oh yes,” Maya agreed, sounding as if she was experiencing war flashbacks. “I think I learned more German curse words on that ride then when I actually visited Germany.”

_Stop talking to us, stop talking to us,_ the little voice in Shinji’s head yelled. He tightened his grip on his Walkman.

“I believe Kensuke got that on tape,” Kaworu chipped in.

_Don’t encourage them!_

“Did he now?” their homeroom professor chuckled. “If Langley finds out she’s going to try breaking his camera again.”

Shinji’s anxiety blended into annoyance. Didn’t Ms Akagi just say she wanted a quiet ride? Why was she chatting with them as if they were old friends and not her students?

A smaller part of him could appreciate the professor’s effort to be friendly to him. But he strongly disliked when people talked to him out of pity.

Because Shinji knew what this was. Ritsuko was looking out for him on behalf of Misato. If he had no connections to his guardian, the professor would not spare him a second glance.

“Nagisa, you understand German right?” Maya asked. “So you’re the only one who knows what Langley is muttering under her breath on her bad days?”

“ _Ja_ ,” Kaworu answered with a nod. “I lived in Germany for a few years as a child.”

Shinji’s ears perked up, annoyance quickly pushed aside by curiosity. His silver-haired friend had informed him of his relatives in Germany, but he didn’t know that Kaworu previously lived there and spoke the language.

Then again, a fact like this should not surprise him anymore.  _Of course,_  someone like Kaworu fluently spoke two languages. It is likely one of the unspoken requirements on the beautiful and intelligent people’s checklist.

“It’s a wonderful country,” Maya said and Ritsuko joined with a hum of agreement, “I especially enjoyed visiting the castles.”

“How do you say shut up in German?” their homeroom teacher asked, sounding very interested in the subject, “I need to know for … scientific reasons.”

Maya let out a giggle, covering her mouth.

“ _Halt die Klappe_ ,” Kaworu informed them in perfect German, “or if you wish to tell Asuka to “please be quiet” it’s  _“Ruhe bitte”.”_

A fluttering feeling spread across Shinji’s chest when the foreign words left Kaworu’s lips.

And suddenly - out of nowhere - the quiet boy was hit by a strong desire to understand the German language.

 

* * *

 

Kaworu and their professors outright switched roles during the first three hours of the ride. The two women kept asking the pale boy to teach them words and phrases and Kaworu - the kind person Shinji knew he was - gladly obliged.

Even Shinji himself paid attention to the little German lesson, Walkman securely resting back in the pocket of his trousers.

Because for once, there was something more entertaining and relaxing to listen to than Vivaldi’s Four Seasons.

And that was the sound of Kaworu’s softly spoken words.

Upon the women’s many demands (which mostly came from Misato’s friend – what a shock), Kaworu even taught them a few curse words. Which Shinji didn’t think the silver-haired boy had in his vocabulary.  But apparently he assumed wrong.

Somehow, his friend could make the words such as  _verdammt_ and  _hosenscheisser_  sound pleasant.

When the ride had its first bathroom break both boys stayed on the vehicle, finally enjoying the lack of background noise.

Shinji watched through the window as half of his fellow classmates rushed to the bathroom while the other half ran to buy some junk food while they still had the chance. The trip was leading them out of the city and the professors had already informed them of upcoming healthy meals and lack of Wi-Fi.

At first, the boy had hoped it was going to be one of those city trips where they took you to museums and talked about history. A trip like that sounded more appealing to Shinji because he could easily disappear in the crowd of other tourists and avoid his classmates that way. Besides, at least Shinji liked looking at old paintings. They were pretty.

But no.

They were heading to the countryside to “learn about the wonders of mother earth”, as their biology teacher excitedly put it.

The mere memory of it made Shinji sigh in despair. He tore his gaze off the window and turned around.

Kaworu’s head was resting on the little pillow of the seat, perfectly exposing his elegant neck. Shinji didn’t realise he was staring until the other boy’s Adam’s apple moved as he spoke.

“I think we’re halfway there. Only around two more hours ahead of us.”

Kaworu turned his head, smiling at Shinji, who quickly moved his gaze back up and blushed.

When did their shoulders start touching?

“I’m a tad tired of giving Ms Akagi and Ms Ibuki German lessons. I’m very pleased by their interest, of course. However, I don’t think father would approve if he knew what kind of foul language I’m teaching the school staff among other things.” The pale boy finished the sentence with a slight chuckle. Shinji sensed there was some nervousness in there too.

Shinji nodded. He could understand his friend’s dilemma on a deeper level.  The boy reached for his Walkman, shyly offering his friend the left earbud.

“You can listen to music with me if you want,” he mumbled, avoiding the silver-haired boy’s gaze. “That’s what I do when I don’t feel like talking anymore.”

Kaworu looked at the proffered earbud and then back at Shinji’s face. The pale boy didn’t utter a single word as he reached for it, but the beam on his face clearly conveyed gratitude. He gently pushed it in his ear and laid back in his seat, closing his eyes.

The last sound Shinji heard before turning on the device was the sound of their bus coming back to life. He grabbed the jacket – a gift from Kaji - that was previously resting on his lap and used it as a blanket to cover himself.

Following Kaworu’s example, Shinji let his eyelids close.

And the ride continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to be able to write so many characters! I'm especially looking forward to writing more about the girls and Touji&Kensuke. I love it when character's personalities clash and create interesting scenarios.  
> And we're getting closer and closer to the scenes that made me start writing this fic in the first place!
> 
> Everything in the story is going pretty well so far - as well as things can go for Shinji anyway - but that might change. Who knows. We'll find out.  
> Thank you to all the comments! I'm so happy you're still reading this story even if I'm not the best writer out there! And to those who worry that I lost interest in the story or this paring because I update so slow: you have nothing to worry about.  
> I still love Kawoshin just as much as I did when I started this story. It's just that I'm not a very talented writer and sometimes struggle with writing. I swear every 500 words I write takes me as long as good writers take for 3000 words. And because of that it all moves very slowly and sometimes frustrates me. I really wish I had an easier time with writing - but even though I'm not as quick and good as other people I still very much enjoy it. It's good practise.
> 
> By the way, me and my friends have a cosplay YT channel and we made a Kawoshin CMV! I was Kaworu and my friend was Shinji. :) It's here if you want to give it a look: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhPpnrZgL70>


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bring you a longer than usual chapter! I'm pretty nervous posting this one because it's an important one. I hope you'll enjoy it! :)  
> UPDATE: Beta'd by the lovely [LifeinFanfiction](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LifeinFanfiction/profile)! :D

 “Shinji.”

The boy felt a soft touch on his shoulder, which was gently shaking him. He lazily opened one eye to inspect whom it belonged to.

Kaworu smiled at him and reached for his palm. Long pale fingers wrapped themselves around the back of his hand as the silver-haired boy placed the borrowed earbud back into his palm.

The warm contact sent a shiver down Shinji’s spine.

“We’re here,” the pale classmate informed him, letting go of the other boy’s hand.

Oh.

Both eyes snapped open, all senses back on high alert. How in the world did he manage to doze off on  _a bus full of students_?

To be fair, Shinji had not slept since the little incident with Misato. However, he had been awake for a longer period of time before.

Kaworu’s presence was affecting him in weird ways indeed.

He sat up straight, rubbing traces of sleep from his eyes and pulling the right earbud out of his ear. The pleasant vibration of the vehicle stopped, indicating that the doors would soon open.

All of the other teenage passengers immediately got up in an attempt to get off the bus just as fast as they previously tried to get on. Shinji didn’t understand the point. All the rushing ever gave him was a nasty bruise from a stranger's elbow.

Both boys waited in silent mutual agreement for the horde of fellow students to leave the bus, before proceeding to join them outside.

The weather was a lot warmer than a few hours ago and Shinji wished he hadn’t put his jacket back on. Mari loudly voiced his thoughts.

“Ugh, I hate these temperatures! Freezing in the morning and sweating in the afternoon. I never know what to wear.”

 “Then just take off your jacket,” Asuka told her with slight annoyance.

“Ohhh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you  _princess_?” Mari lowered her glasses and wiggled her eyebrows at the redhead. The only response she got from Asuka was an icy stare.

The students approached their homeroom teachers, waiting for instructions.

“Okay class!” Ms Akagi announced, pulling out a piece of paper from her coat, “I’m going to be reading your name and the number of your room, so pay close attention!”

Shinji gulped, sending a nervous glance in Touji’s direction. Their class athlete had no idea he was going to be stuck with him and Kaworu.

Shinji had informed his pale friend about the roommate situation via text the day before. However, he had been too afraid and tired to deal with Touji’s angry reaction.

In fact, he still wasn’t ready to deal with it.

“Every room will have four students. The rooms for girls and boys are located on different floors and visitors are forbidden after nine.” After the last sentence she sent Rei a dirty look.

“Rei always wants to visit Kaworu on trips,” Mari whispered, offering an explanation he didn’t ask for. “I think she’s homesick but doesn’t want to admit it.”

“I’m going to be reading the girls’s rooms first. Come to me for the key after your names are called. Number 9 belongs to Itsuko Hishida, Eiko Shirasu –

Shinji watched as Ritsuko started naming the girls. The fifth room on the list she read belonged to Asuka, Mari, Rei and Hikari. As soon as they heard their names, Mari and Asuka rushed to their professor both trying to get to the key first. However, Ritsuko simply threw the desired object into Hikari’s hands and shooed the duo away with a smirk. Mari pouted and Asuka cursed.

After all the girls got their keys, Ritsuko instructed them to enter the building with their host and start with lunch. Kaworu and Shinji were left alone as Hikari, Rei, Mari and Asuka joined their female classmates.

Even though Shinji would never admit it out loud, he kind of missed their presence. Asuka and Rei gave off a vibe akin to strange bodyguards; no one ever bothered them when they were around.

“No fair!” Kensuke complained. “Why do girls get to eat first, that’s sexist!”

“It’s so you don’t crowd and yell too much,” Ritsuko told him in a bored tone without looking up from her list. “We’re guests here and we don’t want you destroying the dining room.”

When she started calling the boys, Shinji felt himself slowly start to panic. What was he going to do when his name gets called? Are they all going to her for the key? Should he just leave Touji and Kensuke to it? What should –

“Shinji Ikari, Kensuke Aida, Touji Suzuhara and Kaworu Nagisa, you have number 32.”

“What?!” Touji’s yell could be heard clearly, even from the back of the crowd.

“Be quiet Suzuhara,” Ritsuko snapped, sending the complainer a look very similar to the one Rei received earlier. “Nagisa you seem like the most responsible to own a key. Catch!”

Shinji had a feeling this day was not going to end well.

 

* * *

 

The dining room was located on the ground floor and looked rather Western style. Shinji noted it probably functioned as a restaurant when it didn’t have a horde of annoying students to host. The food was good and the staff was friendly, but the portions were rather small and Shinji was too awkward to reach for the bowl which contained extra food.

Kensuke and Touji approached them within a few minutes of finishing their meal. Touji had his arms crossed and looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there while Kensuke worked as the spokesperson.

“You have the key right, Nagisa? I suppose we should go to the room together,” Kensuke said, looking at the exit that lead to the staircase.

“I do.”

“Then we should get going. Ms Akagi said we’ve only got one hour to settle in,” the freckled boy suggested.

Touji still refused to look at them.

“Alright,” Kaworu shrugged, not looking one bit bothered by their attitude. They got up and started walking to their destination.

It was an awkwardly quiet walk and Shinji hoped Touji and Kensuke wouldn’t be too eager to spend most of their time in the room. From what he knew, people always hung out in a room that belonged to popular kids.

So perhaps they wouldn’t even see each other that much.

Kaworu pulled out the keys and unlocked the door. He opened it and politely stepped aside, letting Touji and Kensuke enter first before following.

The room was smaller than Shinji would have liked. The only source of daylight was a big window that was located on the wall directly facing the front door. The place itself didn’t have much furniture other than the necessary components for it to qualify as a bedroom. There were two bunkbeds on each side of the walls, accompanied by two rather shabby-looking wooden wardrobes.

At least the view of the forest was nice.

“Oh cool, bunkbeds!” Kensuke voice cut through the painful silence. Shinji knew the cheerful words were forced. “I shotgun the top!”

“Whatever,” Touji grunted as he threw his bag on the lower part of the left bunkbed.

That meant the bunkbed on the right belonged to Kaworu and Shinji. The message “stay on your side” was clear as day.

Not that Shinji wanted to share a bunkbed with anyone else but his pale companion in the first place. This arrangement worked just fine as far as he was concerned.

Shinji turned to Kaworu. “Uh, would it be okay if I took the lower part?” He couldn’t imagine sleeping on the top with his paranoia.

There would just be so much unnecessary stress clinging to him if he had to sleep on top for the next few days. For one, Shinji used the bathroom at least three per night, and by the looks of it the bunkbed would make a lot of creaking noises when climbed upon. Shinji might be an insomniac but he did not want to ruin his friend’s sleeping pattern as well.

He was also mildly afraid of heights, and the top part did not look very protected with that low excuse of a railing.

However, at the same time the boy did not want Kaworu to be in any kind of danger. It would be selfish to expect him to sleep up there just because Shinji was a coward. Maybe the best solution would be to take the mattress and sleep under the window, that way he –

Kaworu touched his shoulder, breaking Shinji’s train of distressed thoughts. The pale boy gave him a small smile, as if he knew what was happening in Shinji’s brain.

“That works for me. I used to sleep on the top of the bunkbed whenever I was visiting family in Germany,” Kaworu said lightly as he walked towards their wardrobe.

Kensuke pulled out his camera and silently started filming the room. Shinji noted his freckled classmate carefully cut them out of the view.

A few moment of silence followed and just as Shinji thought he could maybe get used to the silent treatment, Touji opened his mouth.

“I know I’m a beautiful man Nagisa, but please control yourself the next few days, okay?” Touji remarked snidely as he opened his traveling bag. Shinji turned to his own bag, trying to ignore the obvious tension in the room.

“I’ll try,” Kaworu said dryly, undoing his shoes.

Even Kensuke seemed to be uncomfortable with the situation because he quickly put his filming equipment down. The freckled boy sent him a pained look across the room and for once Shinji felt they were on the same page.

“Well I just wanted to warn you,” Touji continued, being difficult. “If I catch you anywhere near my dick in the middle of the night I will have no choice but to do something about it.”

“Touji…” Kensuke’s tone was warning.

“It’s quite alright.” Kaworu’s voice was sharper than Shinji had ever heard before. The pale boy pulled out his pyjamas, which had a pattern of small green alien heads on it.  “You have nothing to worry about.”

Touji let out a humourless snort as he kicked his sneakers under the bed. “Maybe. But Ikari has.”

Kaworu’s hand froze just as he was about to put his sleeping attire in a drawer. His back was turned to Touji, but Shinji could see the paler-than usual cheeks from the corner of his eye.

“Touji, don’t be a jerk,” Kensuke said quietly.

“I’m not! I think Shinji has the right to know that his  _bestie_ is a flaming homo, considering how much time they spend together.” The tall boy crossed his arms with a scorn.  He turned his attention to Shinji. “Yeah, I bet he forgot to mention  _that_  even though he’s basically glued to your hip.”

 _What is this guy’s problem and why is he spurting lies?_  Shinji’s blood was starting to boil and all the positive opinions he had for the class athlete turned to dust. Shinji was no stranger to people insulting him with gay slurs, it happened all the time at his previous school. But he had no idea it was Kaworu who suffered such treatment here.

Shinji wanted to say something in the silver-haired boy’s defence, but he had never been very good at comebacks. He glanced in Kaworu’s direction and noticed that his friend’s shoulders were shaking. Kaworu’s head was lowered, messy silver locks covering his eyes almost completely.

“Well.” Touji’s voice was so loud that Shinji worried it went straight pass the walls into the neighbour’s room. “Aren’t you going to say anything, fruitcake?”

At that exact moment, Kaworu made a swift movement turning to face Touji. His fists were trembling - Shinji had never seen him this upset before. Touji only raised an eyebrow, looking at the silver-haired classmate as if he was the one acting unreasonable.

“ _Fick dich!_ ” Kaworu jeered an insult in German - which Shinji only recognized as “fuck you” because of the previous lesson on the bus - before storming out of the room, feet bare.

“Kaworu!” Shinji yelled in concern, running halfway to the door to chase after him just as Touji opened his big idiotic mouth again.

“Good riddance. I did you a favour Shinji; he’s had ulterior motives since day one when you came here.”

Shinji stopped in his tracks.

The hurt in Kaworu’s eyes was still freshly implanted in Shinji’s memory and it made him sick to his stomach to hear Touji was under the impression he was helping him. Especially the fact that Touji specifically targeted Kaworu for “Shinji’s sake”.

Hot blind rage overcame him.

The next thing he saw was Touji’s surprised face as his fist came into painful contact with the taller boy’s left cheek. He barely registered the pain in his knuckles, adrenaline and rage coursing through his veins. Somewhere in the distance, he heard Kensuke gasp.

Touji stepped back, hand coming up to cover the bruised spot as he gave Shinji a shocked stare.

The angry boy looked down at his red knuckles and suddenly the cold reality of his actions hit him.

What had he  _done?_

Touji must’ve had the same realisation because his bewildered expression turned into ugly fury a second later.

Shinji let his fist drop, taking a cautious step back as his brain already worked on how to fix the mess he’s gotten himself into.

Sadly, it wasn’t fast enough because Touji immediately returned the favour, hitting him twice as hard. Shinji was sent flying to the ground by the sheer force of it, hissing in pain. He felt warm blood burst out of his nose, sliding past his lips. The metallic taste wasn’t unfamiliar.

But Touji wasn’t done yet. He reached for Shinji’s shirt and pulled him closer, right hand already prepared for another punch.

Shinji shut his eyes in fear, trying to shield his face with his arms as he had done many times before with Gendo Ikari.

“STOP IT!” Kensuke shrieked as he grabbed his friend’s raised arm in an attempt to prevent a second hit.

“Let me go Kensuke!” Touji yelled, breathing hard and still glaring at the trembling boy on the floor. “He threw the first hit!”

“I don’t fucking care! You started it by insulting his friend, of course he’s going to get mad you oversized  _moron_!” Kensuke snapped, still trying to pull the class athlete away.

Shinji felt the murderous grip on his shirt loosen.

“Wouldn’t you punch someone who insulted  _me_?” Kensuke continued to reason with Touji. “I would’ve punched someone if they insulted  _you_ like that.”

Touji dropped his shirt, causing Shinji’s head to painfully collide with the floor once more. The tall boy got up and Kensuke let go of his arm.

Shinji lay on the floor after that. He stared at the wooden ceiling, wondering what kind of talent he possessed to let him royally fuck up every relationship and situation he got involved in.

It was his fault Touji had insulted Kaworu. It was  _Shinji’s fault_  his friend was upset.

It was his fault Touji now despised him and that Kensuke had to save Shinji’s sorry ass before he would need a visit to a hospital or something.

And it’s going to be his fault when Ritsuko calls Misato to tell her what trouble he got himself into within the first hour of arriving to this place. Misato was going to be out of her mind with worry and guilt.

_And. It’s. His. Own. Fault._

No matter what he did, he always ended up hurting the people around him as well as himself. Like a hedgehog, his sharp spikes hurt anyone who attempted to get too close.

No wonder father wanted to get rid of him.

“Get out!” Touji’s tone was dangerous, breaking his trail of self- deprecating thoughts. “Before I change my mind.”

 

* * *

 

Shinji held his nose with two fingers, trying to prevent more blood from getting on his shirt as he walked down the hallway. He had not even dared to take a new shirt out of his bag when he got up to leave. Touji looked like one wrong move would send him back into attack mode, and Kensuke gave him a silent pleading look to get out as soon as possible.

Does this mean he’s not allowed to ever come back? His stuff was still in there.

The stinging pain in his nose was increasing, now that there were no other factors distracting him from it. Shinji hoped his nose wasn’t actually broken because that would majorly complicate his stay here. And it was a lot harder to hide a broken nose than just wipe away the blood. The redness he could perhaps blame on a cold.

A few students passed him but thankfully they were mostly from other classes. Shinji sincerely hoped he wouldn’t come across any professors. He didn’t want to explain what had happened. As soon as authority got involved, Shinji would get a whole lot of shit from fellow classmates for being “a tell-tale”. 

Most of all he hoped Kaworu was okay. He had to apologise.

But first he needed to get rid of the blood. Luckily, the public shared bathroom was just around the corner. He opened the door with caution, ready to bail the second he saw any familiar faces.

The bathroom was big, walls painted green and it seemed much more hygienic than the ones they had at school. Not that he should expect anything less; this was supposed to be a hotel after all.

It was empty.

Shinji stumbled to the sink to inspect the damage in the mirror.

Geez, Touji was as strong as he looked. It only took one nicely aimed punch to turn Shinji’s face into a bloody mess.

The boy sighed and turned on cold water. He lowered his face to the sink and gave his nose a gentle splash.

“Shinji?”

The boy almost hit his head against the water pipe in surprise. Kaworu’s reflection was in the mirror standing behind him.

“Kaworu!” Shinji turned around and Kaworu’s eyes widened at the sight. “Where did you come from?! Are you ok?”

“I was in the stall,” Kaworu explained, taking a few hurried steps closer until he was only mere centimetres away from Shinji’s face. “Are  _you_  alright?! What happened?”

The pale boy took Shinji’s face in his palms to take a closer look. Shinji noticed the silver-haired boy’s eyes were a soft shade of pink, indicating that a few tears might’ve been shed.

His heart ached. The thought of Kaworu crying made Shinji want to go punch Touji all over again, consequences be damned.

“Who did this to you?” Kaworu asked softly, brushing away some dried up blood from his upper lip with his right thumb. Shinji closed his eyes on instinct.

“Touji,” he said quietly and Kaworu’s hand stilled. “It was my own fault though. I started it.”

“You started it? Started what?” the pale boy’s voice was filled with concern. Shinji opened his eyes again.

“I punched Touji in the face,” Shinji admitted in embarrassment, “so he punched me back.”

Kaworu stared at him in disbelief, hands sliding from cheeks to shoulders.

“Why did you punch Touji in the face?”

“Because,” Shinji’s voice cracked, “because he insulted you and lied! He upset you.”

Kaworu let him go, suddenly appearing anxious. Did he say something wrong?

“Touji didn’t lie, Shinji.” Kaworu’s voice was small, almost afraid. “Not entirely. He was rude and insulting but that wasn’t what upset me. I’m used to insults.”

 _But you shouldn’t be,_ the voice in Shinji’s head yelled.  _You’re too kind to deserve any kind of insults._

Kaworu looked at the floor, putting his hands in his pockets. He took a deep breath before facing Shinji again.

“I  _am_  a homosexual, Shinji,” said Kaworu, so quietly it was almost mumbled, and Shinji blinked. He certainty didn’t expect  _that._

“And I apologise I did not let you know sooner. It’s not actually a secret,” Kaworu gave a nervous laugh, brushing a few silver locks behind his ear, “Almost everyone here is aware of this fact.”

Shinji stared at him, suddenly feeling very, very dumb.

“Oh,” he let out a slight squeak and coughed. Now this was awkward.

“I didn’t tell you because I wanted to be your friend!” Kaworu quickly added, almost panicked. “Most boys our age are uncomfortable with having a gay friend because rumours can start very quickly. I’m really sorry. I should’ve told you right away.”

“Oh,” Shinji repeated unintelligibly.

“I just,” Kaworu looked on the verge of tears again and Shinji felt like a piece of shit, “I didn’t want you to have some weird preconception of me before we even got to know each other. I was afraid you wouldn’t want to be friends if you knew. So I just … never mentioned it.”

Shinji understood. But he had no idea how to respond.

He never gave much thought to sexuality. He knew a large proportion of guys his age thought homosexuality was gross since the word was so often used as an insult. But he had never actually met any people who were truly gay.

“I understand if you hate me,” Kaworu whispered after Shinji gave him no reaction.

That immediately forced a response out of Shinji’s lips. “I don’t hate you!” he quickly reassured his pale friend. “I don’t even mind it. I just never meet anyone who was gay before, so didn’t know what the proper response is. I’m sorry if I appeared like I minded.”

Kaworu’s lower lip trembled when he smiled. “You mean that?”

Shinji stepped closer, remembering what his mother used to do when he was upset. It might be silly at this age, but Kaworu looked like he needed it. He carefully wrapped his arms around his friend, placing his head on his shoulder. “Of course,” he whispered near Kaworu’s ear.  _You’re my best friend after all._

He felt Kaworu tremble and almost let him go in fear of overstepping boundaries. But before he could do that he felt the silver-haired boy’s warm hands on his back. Kaworu was returning the hug and Shinji let out a relieved sigh. For once, he didn’t choose the wrong move.

Kaworu buried his head into Shinji’s shoulder, a small choked sound escaping his lips. Shinji felt warm wetness soak into the fabric of his shirt just a second later. He tightened the hug and gave Kaworu’s back a shy caress.

“Thank you,” Kaworu sniffed after he calmed down a bit. “You are so kind, Shinji.”

 They slowly broke apart, the pale boy giving his eyes a quick wipe with the back of his hand.

“Oh no,” Shinji gasped when he had a clearer look at the boy in front of him. “Kaworu, your shirt - I ruined it!”

Kaworu looked at his shoulder where Shinji was pointing. “Oh dear.”

There was a big bloody spot and some of it even got on the right side of Kaworu’s neck. The silver-haired boy looked back at his nose.

“I can’t believe I was having a self-pitying monologue while you were injured and in pain!” Kaworu looked terrified by his own actions.

“Kaworu, that’s not the point right now. The point is that I completely ruined your shirt, blood is very hard to get out!” Shinji continued, remembering all the laundry he ever did in his lifetime.

“Nonsense!” Kaworu waved his hand as he went to get some paper towels. “Who cares about the shirt; I have plenty! Now let’s get you cleaned up and find some ice.”

Kaworu put some paper towel under cold water before bringing it up to Shinji’s face. One hand supported his chin as the other gently brushed away the blood. They were so close that Shinji could clearly see his eyelashes.

“Are you still in pain?” Kaworu asked, completely focused on the task.

“A bit, but it’s better now,” Shinji mumbled, still a little embarrassed by the fact that his friend found out what he did to end up looking like that.

“We should probably go change after we’re done here,” Kaworu said, throwing the soaked paper away and grabbing a new one. “I’m assuming you’d rather not have professors involved.”

“Um,” Shinji hesitated, “I don’t think I can go back. Touji kind of … threw me out.”

“He can’t do that,” Kaworu said, “He doesn’t own the room.”

“I know he technically can’t… but I’m afraid I’ll end up with more than just a bloody nose if I go back.”

“I won’t let him touch you,” Kaworu assured him, voice sounding rather protective and confident. “I promise.”

Shinji gave him a weak smile, giving in. “Okay.”

“Besides,” the pale boy continued as he wiped one last trace of blood from his chin, “I have the keys to the room.”

Well that was true.

“All done!” Kaworu announced and looked at his phone, “We should hurry up, we’re supposed to be meeting the professors in about 15 minutes for a lesson.”

Wow. That hour they had to settle in the rooms truly went by fast.

“Shinji?” Kaworu called his name softly as he waited at the door, hand already resting on the handle.

“…Yes?”

“It’s going to be okay.”

Shinji believed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cat’s out of the bag! Shinji finally knows.
> 
> Just to clarify; I’m not trying to make Touji into a villain, I love Touji. But I also like character development and conflicts. In my opinion, stories where everything is perfect and fluffy are boring. It might work for one-shots but not for multi-chaptered fics. I don’t want to talk about what’s planned for many of these characters but just remember that a lot of things will keep changing until we reach the end and that in no way am I trying to make any of the side characters into villains, especially not the girls! (I’m tired of fics where people paint female characters as bad and annoying just because they might “get in a way” of a ship). As you might notice, I’m trying to put as many references and scenes from the anime into the fic. This is basically how I’d imagine NGE if it was just a normal, slice-of-life anime.
> 
> I’m also not sure if I should put a warning for minor violence in the beginning? I know a lot of people put a warning for every little thing these days but I think that kind of spoils the scenes that are ahead? And if you watched NGE you probably can take a bit of violence in this fic. Do let me know if you’d prefer I put on warnings for things like this tho! I’m open to people’s opinions. 
> 
> Also I have a scene that I transferred into chapter 11 because I feel it’s too early to put it in this one. But it’s halfway done so I hope chapter 11 won’ take too long.
> 
> P.S.- I have a headcanon that Kaworu can only curse in German, as he’s too polite to do it in Japanese. It’s his way of letting rage out since he knows no one but Asuka will understand the words.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve got a new beta! This chapter was beta’d by the lovely [LifeinFanfiction](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LifeinFanfiction/profile). He was also kind enough to go back and beta some of the previous chapters (from chapter 6 onwards) and I think they’re much better to read now (in case you want to give them a reread). Thank you so much for your hard work! :D I really appreciate it. I make the silliest mistakes sometimes that I can’t see until someone else points them out.

Even though they were in a hurry to join their class, the walk to their room felt slow. The hallways were now deserted, most students already waiting outside. Shinji’s heartbeat sped up with every step he took, Touji’s angry expression still fresh in his mind.

_Kaworu is going to be late again. This time because of me._

He didn’t want to make his pale friend’s day any worse. He had caused him more than enough grief for one day.

When they finally reached the door, even Kaworu looked hesitant to open it. They shared a look before the silver-haired boy reached out and gave Shinji’s shoulder a gentle squeeze of comfort followed by a small smile.

  _We’re in this together. You don’t have to face it alone._ Seemed to be the message Kaworu was conveying.

The pale hand let go of his shoulder and reached for the handle.

The room was empty, window left wide open. The only sounds were those coming from the outside, bird chirping and distant student chatter.

Shinji left out a sigh of relief he didn’t know he was holding. Besides the absence of their roommates, the room itself appeared to be in the same condition as he’d last seen it. That meant Touji didn’t let out his anger upon either Kaworu’s or Shinji’s stuff.

Now that no one was around to judge them, it felt like the right opportunity to return Kaworu’s clothes.

“Uh, here’s the shirt and pants you leant me last time,” Shinji said, pulling the borrowed clothes from his bag. “Sorry it took me this long to return them.” _I swear I didn’t use them as someone would a stuffed animal every night._

Kaworu looked at the property that was offered to him and then back at Shinji. “If you want, you can keep them,” he said lightly.

Shinji blinked.

“But they’re yours. I couldn’t possibly –“

“My brother buys me a lot of clothes. You saw my room – I barely have any place left for them. You would actually be doing me a favour if you kept them.”

Shinji looked at the little cats that were imprinted on the fabric. It was true that the selfish side of him very much did want to keep them.

“Are you sure?” he asked, still feeling guilty. Kaworu had given him so much already and yet Shinji kept on taking and taking. He wanted to return his friend’s kindness, but never knew how.

“I wouldn’t offer it if I wasn’t,” Kaworu grinned. “Besides, I think it suits you a lot more than it suits me.”

Shinji blushed.

He appreciated the compliment even if it was just a polite white lie, constructed to make him feel better. It certainly had its intended effect.

“W-well alright. If you’re really okay with it.” He wondered how he’ll explain this one to Misato.

He put the clothing back into the bag as Kaworu pulled the bloodstained shirt off himself. Shinji had to remind himself not give into his unexplainable urge to a peek at the other boy’s exposed stomach.

Even though the trip started horribly, the one thing Shinji liked about it was the lack of school uniforms. Everyone’s personality came through a lot more when they were allowed to choose what to wear for the trip.

They quickly changed their shirts in a hurry to re-join the class. Kaworu was now sporting a purple shirt with bright green stars on it. It really stood out next to Shinji’s plain blue and white one.

But oddly enough, it fit Kaworu, even though it would look horribly tacky on anyone else. The pale boy just had this power to look good in anything he wore.

“Do we need to bring anything else with us?” Shinji asked, putting a small bag on his shoulders.

“Only a pencil and a notebook, if I’m not mistaken,” Kaworu answered as he closed the window.

“Got it.”

 

* * *

 

Surprisingly, they were not late. In fact, they were one of the first ones to approach the professors. Their fellow classmates were going a little wild and the professors didn’t have as much authority over them as they usually did in school grounds.

But even the most fearless of students stopped fooling around and joined them when Ritsuko raised her voice.

The girls included.

“What happened to your nose?” was the first thing to leave Mari’s mouth when her eyes landed on Shinji. She fixed her glasses and leaned in for a closer look. “It looks all red and weird. Were you in a fight?”

Crap.

“I got a cold,” Shinji mumbled - a poorly constructed lie.

“A cold caused your nose to swell like this? Bullshit. You were fine just an hour ago.” Asuka said, crossing her arms. “Not that I care. I just hate liars.”

Shinji looked away, biting his lower lip.

“We’ll discuss this some other time,” Kaworu said quickly just as Mari opened her mouth again. “We’d rather not talk about it at the moment.”

“But-“ Mari started.

“Please,” the silver-haired boy’s voice sounded pleading, “not now.”

Shinji was thankful for Kaworu’s insistence on his behalf. He wasn’t in the mood to talk about his own stupidity _again._ Once was more than enough.

Mari’s lips thinned, eyes narrowing. “Fine. But I want an explanation eventually.”

“Okay students,” Ms Akagi’s voice announced. “I need you to get into a group of four for this project. You can choose your partners yourselves. You have ten minutes, if you don’t join a group by then we’ll do it for you.”

“Aww,” Mari whined, “but that means we can’t all be together! There’s five of us.”

“Six if you count Hikari,” Asuka added and looked around for the missing girl. “Where is she anyway? We need her brains.”

“Hikari’s talking with Aida and Suzuhara,” Rei pointed out quietly.

It was true. The class representative was standing next to Shinji’s roommates, currently giggling at something Kensuke had said.

“Hikariii!” Mari yelled, jumping up and waving. “Want to be in a group together?”

The dark-haired girl turned around and sent Mari an apologetic smile. “Sorry Mari. Touji already asked me. But we still need one more member, if anyone wants to join?”

Mari frowned turning to Asuka. “Why does Touji need Hikari? He already has Kensuke, he’s smart enough.”

“Because Suzuhara‘s got the hots for her, obviously.” The redhead rolled her eyes.

 Mari looked back at Hikari’s group. “Hey, what happened to Touji’s face?”

“What?” Asuka turned to look as well.

“It looks as if he –“ Mari stopped mid-sentence, lips forming an “o” sound. She turned to look at Shinji who suddenly paled. He felt her eyes exploring his nose area once more.

“As if he got into a fight,” Mari finished after the pause. “I’m going to go join them,” she then announced, spinning around.

“No you’re not!” Asuka hissed, clearly frustrated. “If you leave then this group won’t do shit. Ikari or Ayanami should leave. I never once saw Ayanami work in group projects and Ikari looks dumb.”

Shinji felt like he’d be insulted by that comment if he had any self-worth.

“You’ll be fiiiine,” Mari said, already walking towards Hikari who looked delighted at Mari’s decision to join her group. “You have Kaworu, he’ll do all the work.”

“No, I won’t,” the pale boy said, crossing his arms with a frown.

Mari waved her hand dismissively, not listening to them anymore.

“Just peachy!” Asuka spit out, turning to Shinji. “I hope you’re smarter than you look.”

Before Shinji could offer her a reply, Kaworu gracefully did it for him. “I don’t see why you’re so mad. The only reason I did all the work last time is because you and Mari were fooling around. You were the ones not doing anything.”

Asuka’s face turned red. “It was text based! You know I have trouble reading Japanese, Mr. Perfect-I’m-Fluent-In-Three-Languages.”

Kaworu gave her an unimpressed look. “It was three paragraphs of text which I was reading out loud. We didn’t need the whole group to do that part.”

The redhead looked like she was about to argue back when Ms Akagi spoke again. “Okay, time’s up! We’re going to hand out your assignments now.”

Their group was the third in line to be approached by Ms Ibuki.

“Okay so, Nagisa, Ikari, Ayanami and Langley.” Their math professor wrote down their names and handed Rei a paper with instructions. “The actual work starts after, so listen carefully to what professor Fuyutsuki says. You won’t be able to fully complete the assignment unless you pay attention. I’ll also need you to hand me your phones. We wouldn’t want any cheating, now would we?”

They grudgingly put their phones in the box she offered, Shinji and Asuka being most hesitant to do so. Ms Ibuki gave them a smile and a nod before continuing to another group.

“This sucks,” Asuka complained. Shinji peeked at the list in Rei’s hands.

It was just generic questions about the forest and its components mixed with a few other biology-related questions. Not something that would require a whole group to work on it, in Shinji’s opinion.

Perhaps they were saving on paper or just wanted the people to take this assignment seriously and actually listen to the lesson.

Either way, it was a tactic that Shinji deeply despised.

The students formed a long line and followed Mr Fuyutsuki who seemed enthusiastic at the prospect of giving them a lecture outside of his classroom.

They walked for a good fifteen minutes, listening to the lesson before an unwanted guest approached Shinji from behind.

 “Hi,” Kensuke greeted, grabbing his arm to slow them down. Kaworu looked over his shoulder, his pacing also slowing.

“It’s okay, I’ll return him soon. I just need a private word with Shinji,” the freckled teen reassured Kaworu, giving him an awkward grin.

The pale boy directed his gaze at Shinji, silently asking him if he’s okay with that.

In complete truth, Shinji wasn’t. He didn’t really have any desire to talk to Kensuke or Touji at the moment.

But Kensuke kind of saved him back there. Shinji had no doubt that Touji would have landed many more punches if his friend hadn’t interfered. He owed Kensuke.

So he gave Kaworu a nod.

“So,” Kensuke started when they put enough distance from their classmates, “Touji’s sorry for earlier.”

_Sure he is._

Shinji rolled his eyes, the memory of Touji’s cruel words awakening some of the anger that overtook him before. He felt brave enough to hit back.

“If that’s the case, why are you here and not him?” he asked coldly, staring at the ground. The only way he’d have the courage to have this conversation was if he didn’t look Kensuke in the eye.

“Well,” Kensuke had the nerve to sound embarrassed, “you know how it is. Touji’s a prideful guy. It’ll take a while before he’ll fully admit that he was in the wrong.”

Shinji kept on walking in silence.

“ _C’mon man._ I just want the air in the room to be peaceful, don’t you? And you can’t say you’re completely innocent in this situation either.”

“I know. Touji should be apologising to _Kaworu_ , not _me_.” Shinji snapped, finally looking up. “And you seemed perfectly okay with how Kaworu was treated by others in general.”

Kensuke sighed, rubbing his temples. “Look, this is high school. I personally have nothing against Nagisa. He seems like an okay guy who’s just minding his own business. Hell, I even feel bad for the dude.”

“Really!” He added when he saw Shinji’s dirty look. “But sorry, I’m not going to throw myself under the bus for Nagisa just because I feel sorry for him. He’s not my friend, just a classmate that’s treated unfairly. If I said anything, I’d be ridiculed as well. Teenagers are monsters.”

He had a point there. Teenagers were awful.

Shinji knew that all too well.

“I don’t claim to be a noble person and I’m not exactly a tough guy like Touji.” Kensuke lifted his thin arms and mockingly flexed them. “I already get enough shit for being a nerd, I don’t need people to assume I play for the other team too. I’m not gonna join this weird bully party some of the dudes in this class have but I’m not going to try to stop it either.”

Shinji had a feeling that the freckled boy was talking more to himself than to him at this point. It was clear that Kensuke felt guilty on some level and wanted to reassure himself.

He kicked a rock on their path aggressively, not granting Kensuke any signs of acknowledgment for his words. The last thing on Shinji’s mind was to play along and say Kensuke was free from guilt.

“Besides, my opinion wouldn’t put a stop to anything, even if I _did_ say something against it. I’m nowhere high enough on the popularity scale for it to count.”

Shinji knew where his classmate was coming from, but it didn’t make his annoyance with Kensuke go away.

For some reason it just made him angrier.

“People will probably start assuming you guys are dating if you remain this close,” Kensuke warned before pausing. “Or are you actually boyfriends?”

He can’t be serious.

“No.” The mere idea of it was absurd. Even if Shinji was gay, Kaworu had to have higher standards. Did Kensuke really think someone as gorgeous as Kaworu Nagisa would go for someone as plain looking as Shinji?

Ridiculous.

“Well, then you’ll have to prepare yourself for a lot of unfair shit going your way,” Kensuke said, an expression of pity written over his face. “That’s the reason no one wants to be associated with Nagisa, you know.  As soon as a guy gets too friendly with him rumours start spreading around like wildfire. You’ve been getting a pass because you’re new and people still assume you don’t know he likes dudes.”

Fear gripped Shinji’s heart. He wasn’t ready to deal with that kind of attitude again at this school. He could barely hold himself together as it was.

“Anyway,” Kensuke continued, “I’ve said all I wanted to. I’d appreciate if you’d apologise to Touji as well so we can leave this mess behind.”

“I won’t,” Shinji said quietly.

Kensuke looked taken aback. “Pardon?”

Shinji clenched his fists, heart hammering like crazy. He wasn’t sure if it was out of fear or anger anymore.

Probably both.

“I won’t apologise to Touji,” Shinji said louder, with more force behind his words. ”Not after what he did to Kaworu. If he wants my apology, he will have to apologise to Kaworu first. In person.”

The freckled boy looked at loss for words and Shinji’s hands started shaking.

What is he _doing_? What on earth is possessing him to act this way?

He was making idiotic decisions, voluntarily digging himself – and possibly Kaworu - an early grave.

“Shinji,” Kensuke started, sounding as if he was explaining something complicated to a five-year-old. “You do know that’s not going to happen, right? You’re just making things more difficult for all of us.”

Shinji knew. He was also aware that he’d definitely regret this later.

But at this moment he didn’t care. And he let Kensuke know that.

His roommate’s mood finally broke into annoyance. “You know what? _Fine._ Be like that,” Kensuke hissed, all earlier friendliness leaving him. “But don’t act like I didn’t warn you when everything goes to shit!”

The freckled boy stomped away, re-joining Touji, Mari and Hikari, who were currently engaged in a deep conversation. It seemed like the girls were ganging up on Touji, as Hikari appeared rather upset and even the normally cheerful Mari had a stern look on her face. Hikari looked Shinji’s way and caught his gaze.

Shinji quickly looked away, embarrassed that he got caught.

He wondered what all that was about. Were they talking about him?

Was Touji already spreading rumours about what had happened? The school athlete did seem to engage in gossip frequently, if their past shared lunches were anything to go by.

“Is everything okay?” was the first thing out of Kaworu’s mouth when he re-joined his own group. The silver-haired boy gently laid his hand on his shoulder, trying to meet his gaze.

Shinji felt like crying.

He desperately wanted to reach for his friend’s hand and squeeze it for comfort. But considering the recent events and repercussions that action would cause it would be best for both of them to resist that urge.

Shinji looked at Asuka and Rei instead and decided against it. This was not the appropriate time to voice his concerns about their room situation.

“Everything’s fine,” he lied, hoping his voice wouldn’t waver. “How many questions do we have left to answer?”

 

* * *

 

The rest of the lesson went by okay. Surprisingly, their group did manage to work together and answer all the questions they were given, even if Asuka complained all the way through. Shinji found out he was slowly becoming immune to the redhead’s often-nasty attitude. It was just who Asuka was and he figured her harsh words weren’t always intended to come off that way.

After all, she even thanked him when he helped her with one of the questions that they assigned to her. Even if her compliment came off rather backhanded.

_“Thanks. You’re not as stupid as I thought you were.”_

Kaworu once told him Asuka had this kind of defence mechanism. The pale boy let him know that Asuka was a good person deep down; she just had many walls around herself.

Shinji decided to trust his friend’s judgment. He highly doubted that Kaworu would be someone’s friend if they weren’t a good human being.

He simply didn’t have it in him.

After the lesson was complete and their phones were returned to them, the students were given another hour of free time. Mari and Hikari joined them and they all hung out in the girls’ room until it was time for the movie their teachers had promised.

That is, if you could call it a movie. It was actually an educational film disguised as entertainment and no one was fooled. However, it was still preferable to a normal lesson.

Soon after the film was finished a dinner followed and that’s when Shinji realised it wouldn’t be long until he had to face Touji and Kensuke again.

“Do you think Touji’s still mad?” he asked Kaworu quietly as they were walking back to their room.

“I’m not certain,” Kaworu answered carefully. “Perhaps? But my prediction is that both Suzuhara and Aida will just ignore us from now on.”

He was correct. This time the room wasn’t empty but their roommates didn’t acknowledge Shinji and Kaworu’s arrival at all. Instead, they continued talking to each other as if no one had entered the room. They didn’t even glance up at them.

It felt uncomfortable but compared to the scenarios that Shinji had come up with it, it wasn’t that bad.

It was somewhat awkward talking to Kaworu in such an atmosphere, however. Shinji didn’t think he’d even be capable of speaking to anyone in Touji’s company again.

So the boys decided to spend their time quietly, left to their own devices.

Two hours passed. Shinji was just starting to think if he should go take a shower and changed into pyjamas when there was a sudden banging on the door followed by a loud _“open up, losers!”_

Touji immediately sent Kaworu a dirty look, as if he was the one making the noise. “You invited that redhead devil to our room?”

Kaworu didn’t look up from his book.  He lazily turned a page before answering. “No. I guess she invited herself.”

The banging got louder.

“Shinji can you open the door?” Kensuke’s cold demand was only masked as a question, his eyes glued to the screen of his phone.

The anxious boy didn’t really want to let Asuka in. The room already had an awkward atmosphere as it was. Shinji couldn’t help but feel like her presence would make things ten times worse.

He stood up and unlocked the door anyway. It would be a shame if the door got damaged just because Asuka lost the little patience that she had.

“About time!” the redhead said, opening the door with so much force that it hit Shinji’s hand. He clenched his teeth in pain and hid the injured palm in his pocket.

It soon appeared that it wasn’t just Asuka who wanted entrance to their room. She was accompanied by Rei, Mari and Hikari. Suddenly the tiny room got awfully crowded.

It made Shinji feel claustrophobic.

“Why are you here? It’s way past 10. You know we’ll get into so much trouble if Akagi finds out,” Touji asked, looking annoyed. He left the sanctuary of his bed and stood up. His demeanour quickly changed when he saw Hikari follow Rei into the room.

“ _Chill._ Ritsuko is otherwise occupied. She’s currently outside, sucking faces with Maya. Our window gives us a perfect view of the little park,” Mari informed them, jumping onto Shinji’s bed. She stretched her limbs with a yawn and turned around so she lay on her belly, giving Touji a smirk.

Touji’s mouth opened but no sound came out so he closed it. He only stared at Mari in disbelief.

Kaworu finally closed the book and started paying attention to the conversation happening below him.

“What? Didn’t you know she was a lesbo? I thought you were a professional at detecting gay people.” Asuka’s grin was absolutely evil. Touji shifted on his feet uncomfortably.

“I was suspecting the Math professor, but Ms Akagi?” Kensuke wondered aloud. “I thought she was just a crazy cat lady.”

“Ha! I guess she likes more than one kind of pussy – OW!” Mari cried out as Rei hit her over the head, “Why do you love to communicate with violence so much, Ayanami?!”

Rei ignored her and walked up to the bunkbed to join her cousin. Kaworu put his arms on the railing, a playful grin appearing on his lips.

“That still doesn’t answer the question,” Kensuke continued the original topic at hand, “why are you here?”

“I think you know why we’re here.” It was Hikari who spoke next, sudden coldness sneaking up in her tone. Touji looked down, appearing ashamed. “Rumour has it, there’s been some uh, _tension_ in this room. As the class representative I feel like it’s my job to put an end to it.”

_They know._

Shinji’s heartbeat fastened.

But who told them? Kaworu would never.

The memory of Mari and Hikari having a heated discussion with Touji entered Shinji’s memory.

Touji must’ve broke under the pressure of Mari’s questioning. The pig-tailed girl could be very pervasive when she put her mind to it.

Or maybe it was Kensuke. Maybe he wanted to try something else after Shinji refused to cooperate.

Or perhaps Touji simply offered the information on his own. He never promised anyone to keep his mouth shut.

“And also because you pissed off Ayanami,” Asuka added. “I haven’t heard her rant this much in months.”

Shinji looked up at the red-eyed cousins. Rei was indeed glaring daggers at Touji who appeared to be shrinking at the judgments that were being thrown his way both vocally and silently from their uninvited guests.

“So!” Mari said cheerfully, trying to lighten the icy mood. “We decided that we’re all going to play a game and get rid of this unwanted _tension_ that was caused by certain events today.”

 _Tension._ Right. There was a lot more than just tension happening.

“You mean you and Hikari decided that,” Asuka said, crossing her arms. “And made me tag along in case they wouldn’t open the door to you and you needed me to break in.”

“Pshhh, _details,_ ” Mari waved her hand and turned to Kensuke and Touji. “So what do you say, gentleman?”

The two boys shared a look. It didn’t seem very enthusiastic or positive.

“Don’t Shinji and I have a say in the matter as well?” Kaworu asked, sounding more amused than annoyed.

“No,” was Asuka’s short answer. Kaworu pouted.

His pale friend had a good point though. A forced friendly game with Touji and Kensuke was the last thing Shinji wanted.

He was perfectly fine with the avoidance and silent treatment they’ve had going on, _thank you very much._

…well, he wasn’t _really._ But it still seemed like a better option than confronting the matter. And in a form of _a game_ , no less.

A game would likely just awaken unpleasant memories that Shinji was currently in the process of burying away and never looking at again.

He assumed Touji and Kensuke were on the same page until the freckled boy opened his mouth.

“Maybe this isn’t such a bad idea, actually,” Kensuke said, turning to Touji. “It could be fun.”

“Of course it’s a bad idea!” Touji immediately argued, appearing betrayed by his friend’s words. “I’m not playing anything with _those two_.” He spoke as if Shinji and Kaworu weren’t even in the room with them.

It pissed Shinji off.

But apparently he wasn’t the only one who was angered by Touji’s response.

“Alright, quit the fucking attitude Touji,” Hikari said loudly. This was the first time Shinji had heard their respected class representative curse. “You know what you did. You know what _you_ started.” She got closer to Touji who took a cautious step back, even though he had quite a few centimetres on her. Shinji couldn’t blame him, Hikari looked very intimidating right then.

It now became clear to Shinji why she and Asuka were such good friends.

“But Hikari –“

“Don’t _Hikari_ me.”

Touji shut his mouth immediately. Shinji almost felt bad for him.

_Almost._

“Now, are you going to continue being a jerk and a child about all of this or will you make an effort to clear the air with us?” Hikari questioned him, crossing her arms.

Everyone in the room had their eyes on Touji. The tall boy let out a sigh, his shoulders dropping in defeat. “Fine, I’ll do it.”

“Splendid!” Mari clapped in excitement. “Okay people! Let’s all form a circle on the floor.”

“Oh _yay_ , the perfect way to spend my free time,” Asuka’s tone was dripping with sarcasm but she still sat down next to Hikari. Kensuke joined after her and to Shinji’s surprise, even Rei decided to play.

It was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for all the feedback you've given me! I really want to reply to all the comments but I’m afraid that then I’d give my review count an unfair number (because AO3 counts my replies as reviews as well) and I don’t want to deceive any new readers with false numbers. I know some people first look at how many kudos and reviews a fic has before they start reading it. But I think I might start responding to longer ones anyway, especially if there are any questions in them. (But then I feel like a jerk not replying to all of them aklsajksh). This is kind of a personal dilemma of mine. Shinji would understand.
> 
> Either way I want you to know that I appreciate every single comment, bookmark and kudos! Thank you. And again, many thanks to my beta!


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